Anxiety with a ribbon [Poetry]

"Ungrateful mess"

Tell me what would it cost
To teach me how beautiful the world is
Say "Little girl you're doing just fine"
Instead
What you did?
You made me like this
So afraid
Of this world
Of nothing and everything at once
You thought me life was all the way horrible
That I couldn't help myself
Without you
You made me trip out of guilty
You never said to me
"Someday you'll be free
And you be fine for sure"
You just told me
I would never get there
Yeah, you raised
Pampered I was
I had everything
Why I'm supposed to thank you?
I know I had so much
People got it worse!
I heard it!
I know it!
But being a doll
Just a tool to your evil tricks
I never was loved properly
Money doesn't make it true
It doesn't make it less painful
I never knew for certain
But helpless me
Knew something was wrong
So I cried everyday
So comforting
With no one to run to
Because even if
You say you love
That you miss me
I don't think so .
I never was nothing but a toy
You also know it very well
And so nobody tell me
"How thankful I should be!"
Nobody knows
How evil someone like you can be
That your drinking was the worse
While the entire house alarm
Dangled in my ears
You screamed to him
You can't deny the broken plates
And the terror on my eyes
It got me traumatized
And if that isn't enough
There's so much more
Little things that
Now
Wound me very deep
So afraid of loneliness
Approval is the best
Failing is not something I want to do
Because it hurts so much
So tell me
Do you think
You will ever be someone
I look up to see
That I smile willingly
That deserves my thanks
My welcome home
Everything you did
Will never fade away
And now is not so easy
To make things okay
To patch the mess that you did
But I really hope that my heart will find it's place
While my hands touch the sky
And I breath sound and loud
When the world is infinite
I'll tell you can't keep me in a jar
Little girl is growing up
And you don't know a thing
Just keep away from me
Your "love" is not needed
It never was
So please don't bother me
Because you don't have the right
To call me ungrateful
Not now
Not ever