CHAELIN ♡ {BTS 8TH MEMBER}

♡ CHAELIN x JONGHYUN ♡

I know it's a tiny bit late (a day to be precise) but I still wanted to write something related to Jonghyun. It's only a short "chapter" that gives a little more insight to the relationship Chaelin had with him. If you're till sensitive to this, please skip. I tried portraying him in the way I saw him; As an individual who deeply cared for those around him but in the end, couldn't see help for himself. I, in no way, want to offend anyone with this. If I do, I am deeply sorry. This is just my way to deal with it.

 It's been exactly a year without you, just how fast time seems to pass by. I'd like to think we both would've gotten along very well, even if I only admired you from afar. Rest well, Jonghyun. Wherever you might be now, I hope you found what you were looking for. 🌹

♡

April 2016

"I love it," Jonghyun stated with a huge smile after Chaelin let him listen to "What I Wish I Could Tell You Now" for her second album. "Really?" He nodded. "I think it might be my favourite track of yours yet, it's very genuine." "Thank you," Chaelin offered him a smile. "Who's it about?" he asked intrigued. "See, that's the thing. I don't know," Chaelin sighed. "I...I just woke up and felt like somebody was missing and there was all this stuff I wanted to tell them about," he explained. "It's not about me though, is it?" "Jonghyun, you're my ex boyfriend, not someone who suddenly just...left." Jonghyun laughed. "I guess you're right. How's Namjoon by the way?" Chaelin grinned. "Can't deal with the fact that I'm still close to you but otherwise fine." "He doesn't have to worry. He knows that right?" Chaelin only sighed. "He does but... He also understands that you were my first love and that you understand me in a way he never will."  Jonghyun only looked at Chaelin with a knowing look. "I love you in a way he'll never understand, even if we're not a couple anymore." "We were both at a point in our lives, were we both shouldn't have committed to each other," Jonghyun stated, "I guess since we were both depressed we just needed other things in life other than depression itself." "I guess," Chaelin sighed. "But I'll always love and respect you, I hope you know that." "I'm just sorry we couldn't be what we needed," Chaelin choked out, tears threatening to spill. "You're not...you're not still in love with me are you?" he asked her carefully. "No," Chaelin answered with a smile, "Not like that at least. But you were my first love and you'll always be. And for that I'm thankful." 

♡

2017

"I'm so sorry," Chaelin sobbed out, standing in front of his grave. "I'm sorry that you were there for me and I couldn't give you the same, Jjong. I'm so sorry." 

♡

2018 - Early November

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Namjoon asked her for the umpteenth time now. "Joon..." Chaelin sighed, "I know you had a love-hate relationship with him. But I married you and I love you. But you also have to see that he was my first love and I need this. Just...let me finally have closure." "Okay," Namjoon agreed, "but you know this is not your fault, right? You knew he was depressed and.." "Exactly, I knew," Chaelin interrupted him, "and I didn't do anything. And I will always grief that okay? I will always regret not helping him the way he helped me so selflessly when I needed it." "Baby it wasn't your fault," Namjoon started again, "Jonghyun left, yes. But it wasn't and never will be your fault. I too wish that he was still here, no matter what was between me and him. But he's still with you and he always will be, even if it's not physically. And he wouldn't want you or anyone for that matter thinking it was their fault. He didn't see a solution to his own demons but this one. I bet he's very happy wherever he might be now. If you still want to re-write the song, fine. Do it. But don't beat yourself up over something you had zero control over."

♡

As "What I Wish I Could Tell You Now", Jonghyun's favourite song of hers, was re-released in late November, Chaelin had finally found the closure she had needed. She missed Jonghyun deeply, no matter what happened between them. He cared for her and understood her in a way no one else did and for that, she was eternally grateful. She now finally knew who this song had been for; it was and will forever be his song.

"And after all, there still so much I never told you,
And so much of what I wish I could tell you now
I hope wherever you might be, happy is what you are
and some time from now on, there'll be room for everything
of what I wish I could tell you now."

♡