Through Chaos and Order | Shota Aizawa

One

Please read "Introduction," "Character Analysis," and "Prologue" before beginning "One".

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    Typically, when people talk about villainy taking over, we shut them out, or laugh them off. Never do we consider taking them serious with hundreds of heroes in the palms of the government's hands.

Maybe we should have.

Or maybe I'm getting a bit too ahead of myself, so perhaps it would be better to start at the beginning.

I remember everything about the day I met Order and Chaos.

    I still bear the scars.

As a child, I had no aspiration, no determination, but what I did have was a brilliant legacy; one that I ultimately chose to ignore. And time after time, that decision continues to risk costing me my life.

For the past ten years, I've been trying to fix that, learning about my quirk at a psychological standpoint but only ending up empty-handed, for it takes real, physical experience to understand.

But I was scared, and the longer I fret, the more the force and rage of Chaos boils.

I spend every day not knowing if I was going to live for only a few more weeks, or even merely live to see the next day if Chaos is released and causes too much damage.

The reality of it all is that I am a thirty-year-old woman who lacks control of her quirk. Most learn such a thing by the time they are teenagers, so to openly admit something of the sort is personally shameful.

My mother taught me everything there is to know about Order, and how to wield her abilities, but since my father left mom and I shortly after my quirk was revealed, I didn't have anyone to aid me in understanding Chaos. I was mostly isolated as a young child until I was able to understand what I was actually dealing with, and afterwards, I was finally allowed to attend middle school.

    Instead of embracing Chaos, I disregarded her, casted her out and she did not like that, not at all. Since there was no one to help me, I learned to avoid dissociation. This process consisted of never allowing my anger to get the best of me, never going out except to and from school, and responding with nothing but genuine kindness no matter Chaos' inward protest and screams. I appeared perfect, like an angel, yet claimed to be quirkless to avoid speculation.

    But sometimes the pressure can become too overwhelming and dark conquers light without spoken consent, shadowing my conscience. Chaos takes control.

    It was from things like bullies, stress, and agonizing reminiscence.

    I had to transfer schools on four different occasions during my middle and high school career in Musutafu, Japan due to an outbreak of Chaos.

    One thing I can proudly state is I have not killed anyone. Not yet, anyway. It's not that I anticipate it, but it's more of a fear that it will indeed happen in a moment of lost cause.

When high school ended, I received a scholarship to a University in the United States. I didn't hesitate. A little over ten years later, I find myself missing Japan, my mother's home, and so I moved back.

America was my home, my birth place, no matter how much I desired it not to be. My father was American, and my mother was Japanese-American. After dad left us when I was four years old, we moved here. I haven't seen him since.

Mom died a heroic death when I was away at college, sacrificing herself so a comrade could live. "Remedy," this being her hero name, fell with honor. For a while, I dealt with a large amount of regret for not being there at the time, existing to only mourn, but eventually, I recognized how admirable her death truly was, no matter our closeness and chose to embrace that.