Visceral (DISCONTINUED)

If

The alarm clock blared and 4 groaned.

He didn't really want to get up but today was that day. That day when he lost his care for life. That day when he died. That day when all he did was try fail. That day when he lost... When he lost...

He hated it but loved it was well. Seeing the fear in 5's face once 4 pointed out that they were never leaving the Haze. The same fear when he left too. Granted, 5 was more focused on the fact that 4 was being dragged into the ground.

4 pulled the pillow over his face. He could still hear the the alarm. He was that green lady again then he shook his head. Pulling the pillow off his face, he looked at the alarm on his phone and turned the alarm off. He checked his battery. 47%. Could be worse.

Throwing his legs off the side of the bed, he sat up, still holding the pillow in his arm. 4 looked at his phone with blank, tired eyes. He looked at the date. December 7th. Woo.

4 put the pillow back on the bed and went to the dresser. He placed his phone there and changed his into his normal clothes. He didn't really worry about his siblings. The other three had gotten up earlier than him and left.

"Oh, I seem to just... just... not like today huh?" He closed the dresser and picked his phone up. It was still a 4S. Red background and all. 4 sat down and leaned against the dresser. "I just feel really out of it, y'know?"

'Mhm.'

He banged his head once against the dresser. "Why does the world subject to me to such unfortunate luck?" He tapped his fingers on his thigh. "Or even you."

'I don't know.'

4 clasped the phone and sighed. "I wonder what would've happened if things played out differently. If I just broke something within me, would that let me see you?" He turned the phone screen to his face.

'You're already looking at me.'

"Not my mind, I suppose." He put the phone face down between his legs. "That would ruin everything. Maybe if I went and I died, I'd see you."

'Please don't.'

"No, no. I'd hate to see Cobs break again after all I've done. The rest? I think I'd love it though." The tapping on his thighs ceased and his hands fell to his side. "Seeing them suffer or maybe laugh at me."

4 looked up. "Both even. I wouldn't know. But I'd like to see it. When they see my body, my corpse, laying on the floor while crocodile tears fall from their faces. Except for Cobs: who's actually crying.

"And when he realizes I can't be brought back, he'll sob and he'll sob about it but move on with his life because there's nothing he can do! And the others won't care not 5 minutes after my body is gone. Hell, after they find my body.

"Then, I'll join you in the Heat Haze and we can be happy. Together. Forever. Until the rest join us in our short, inexcusable lives. And I'll berate then, yell at them, and find myself at the same position I am now. Only with you. And it'll be better. Because you're there."

'No, it won't.'

"It will be." 4 grabbed his phone. He stood back up and slipped the phone in his pocket.

He pulled on his dress shoes and was before the door. He blinked and tilted his head. He sworn he had heard something on the other side. He shrugged and opened the door. He walked out.

4 smiled. "I'm sure of it."