Saving Grace

Prologue

My whole life, I've felt vulnerable. I've never had anyone. I've been lost most of the time and I've been broken. My past always plays in my mind like a broken record reminding me of all my mistakes. Regret soaks my soul as I think back to how I could've done things different, made different choices.

You know, before you do something there's that part of you that pulls you back. It warns you of the consequences. My whole life I never allowed myself to be pulled back, to be controlled. I wanted to be 'free' but little did I know that that's not freedom. That was the way to my prison, my whole life.

I've always been rebellious; wanting to do things that people around me don't agree with. I guess that made me feel liberated from my past, from everything that surrounded me. I think your past makes up a big part of who you are, it's that part of you that you grow into and remain like that.

Loneliness makes people desperate. That's a fact I've known all my life. Loneliness manages to make you lose all your self esteem; you become a doormat, a subject to someone's abuse. It rips you of every ounce of dignity you have making you nothing. With loneliness you become blind; you miss all the red blaring warning signs and just close your eyes in the face of danger.

I've never had anything easy at all. It's always been hard on me. It's been so hard every part of me has been broken into a million pieces beyond repair. I tried to become better but turns out I failed because I'm falling and I can't stop falling but this time I'll fight. I will not go down without a fight. 

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