Saving Grace

10

I knocked the door of Luca’s home office nervously until he mumbled a come in.

“Hey,” he said without looking up and I replied with a ‘hie’ before sitting in front of his desk on the chairs that were there.

“Are you okay?” he asked me looking up from his papers with a concerned expression and I shook my head no.

“Something’s been bugging for the past few days and I don’t know how to say but I just want to get it out there so here it goes…I’m not feeling comfortable here.”

He looked at me unsurely before questioning why and who was making me uncomfortable.

“It’s you. Don’t get me wrong Luca; you’re a really great person and a really great guy. It’s just that ever since the friend issue you have been hurting me emotionally and making me feel so uncomfortable like on my birthday. You walked out on me after cutting me off so rudely and even before that you’ve been doing things like that. Like yesterday at the coffee shop when I tried to express how I felt about something you cut me off and I don’t think I’m okay with that.

“I’ve been thinking about this over and over, it’s all I’ve been thinking about and I just realized how stupid I am. You know how you go on and on about how I’m different and I’m brave to be here actually happy not letting my past hold me back? Well I don’t admit it but my past is holding me prisoner and I can’t have a relationship with anyone yet. I like you Luca, I really do but I can’t be in a relationship with you because every time I’ll be thinking about what Jack did and if you’ll do it too.”

I wiped my tears before continuing, “You walked out on me for months over that petty issue and that just says something about you. It’s not fair on my heart to have someone who when we fight will walk out on me crushing my heart. It’s not fair on me too.

“I just realized that I deserve to put me first for once. I need to be selfish for a while. To redeem myself and become me because I’m only 24 and I’m so young which is why I want to leave Seattle for a while.”

He looked taken aback and hurt but he quickly masked his expression with his usual impassive look and his intent gaze that was burning right through me.

“How long will you be gone?” he questioned and I shrugged. “A couple of weeks or months or a year, I don’t yet but what I do know and I’m sure of is that I don’t want to be here. I’m sorry.”

I got up to leave but hesitated and I looked at him. “You’ll be back right?” Luca asked when he noticed my hesitation to leave.”

“I did sign a contract didn’t I?”

He nodded looking hurt and defeated but I ignored it all. I needed to put me first. Me was what I needed right now. I walked to the door and stopped again to face him.

“Luca, don’t look for me. We need space from each other,” I said giving him a small smile and he nodded with the defeated look still in his eyes.
I sighed as I left the room for good.

This was the best for me. Smiling to myself I headed to take my bags which I’d already packed. A huge part of me felt excited at what life would bring to me, what fate had in store for me. I couldn’t help but be excited but another part felt sad at me leaving but it was temporary. Fate would bring me back, I knew that. 

The end

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