Saving Grace

1

I watched him leave the house from my window; I made sure I was discreet knowing if he saw me, that'd fuel his anger more. I hated this, weakness. It wasn't what I was supposed to be like. I wanted to be strong, to be independent but that didn't matter because no one cared what I thought or wanted. No one cared enough to stop and listen to what I wanted. The realization of that hurt more than anything. It hurt knowing even if they did listen all they did was tell you all the cons of your plans so I'd learnt to shut up and not care. I'd learnt to live with no one but me because that was all I had.

When I was sure he was gone I headed to the bathroom. I looked at my frail body assessing it for the new scars and bruises. There were fresh new scars on top of the old ones and I couldn't help the tears that ran down my cheeks. I was once flawless without a story to tell but now, I was filled with scars each with a story behind. I guess I could say I was a huge library by now.

Deciding not to look anymore I got into the shower and let it wash away some of my pain away. I was numb physically and I hoped I'd be numb emotionally too. I hated my guts because they got me here. I hated how I thought I knew what life had for me when in reality I didn't know anything. I was just another stupid girl who had taken the wrong path more than once. I hated how I was so naïve thinking I knew it all.

After an hour of crying silently something I did often now I stepped out of the bathtub and grabbed one of the white towels nearby and wrapped it around myself before going to sit in front of the mirror. My once shining hair looked dull and malnourished just like me. I used my hands to comb through it before sighing and getting up. Before walking away I looked into my eyes. They had nothing, no fire, no shine, just nothing and I couldn't help but try to blink back the tears. I was a mess and I knew that which made me just hate my life more.

How had I become this? I then remembered my teenage self thinking how it'd be great to rebel by getting married to the guy my mother had told me not to. I was so stupid. Now I had no family and no friends and that guy who I'd thought was my love, my prince in shining armor turned to be my hell, my demise.

I checked the clock and realized I wasn't ready yet even though I'd been told to be ready. Sighing one last time I picked the red dress in my closet that had seen a lot and held so many secrets. It was the only thing I related to, it had been with me throughout everything. Slipping it on I paired it with black heels I found in my closet. I made sure I applied makeup that hid all the scars and bruises and made me look happy and radiant. The things we did to hide our real selves.

The word happy was foreign to me. I'd forgotten what being happy felt like. You know being carefree without a single worry. I wished to feel that, someday maybe in another life. Grabbing my clutch I looked back at the mirror and blinked back the tears. If you didn't look closely you'd think I was perfectly fine and I looked attractive. That was the power of the red dress, it'd managed to save my life once but I wasn't going back there, never. I took a deep breath before heading out with the sound of my heels clicking echoing throughout the house. I was met by him who didn't even acknowledge me but just pushed me into the car. I stumbled as I got in but that didn't faze him. He was like a man on a mission, he was determined and I knew better than to put him off course.

The whole ride was silent; I didn't say anything as I knew the consequences. We arrived in front of one of the Marcel Hotels where the valet took the car while he then placed his filthy hand my waist before leading us inside. The hotel was classy and elegant. It looked like one of those places where filthy rich people hung out but my 'husband' and I didn't fit in at all. Instead we stuck out like sore thumbs and no matter how much we'd try to fit in, we just wouldn't. I tried not to flinch as I knew better; I'd played the role of the happy wife way too many times that I knew what to and what not to do. Smiling as we met different people I felt my heart sink knowing this was the rest of my life. There was absolutely no way out.