Before She Even Knows

Chapter 43 - I can play like this too

It's been three days that I don't see him. I think - well, I'm pretty sure - he's avoiding me and it breaks my heart even more.

The last thing I expected to happen when I accepted to spend Thanksgiving with him was to end up ignored. I wasn't expecting him to break up either, that's for sure. Yet, here I am.

Besides avoiding me, I'm not sure if he's also avoiding Mads. She's furious.

I mean, really furious and has been chasing him down ever since she got back home on Sunday and found me crying a river.

It's funny how the tables have turned. When we thought Mark was cheating on her, she was exactly in the same situation – not exactly the same, because Mark loves her – but now she's the one comforting me.

The difference is that I was trying to be rational at that time and she's just pissed off wanting to rip Noah's head off, because she says and I quote ''it makes absolutely no sense why he would be an asshole and break up with me.''

I thought I was doing fine. Well, as fine as you can be when the guy you have recently realized you love dumps you without even explaining why.

I don't feel like crying every two seconds at least, so this is me doing fine, right?

Not seeing him these days did help a little. Although I feel hurt, I was trying to pretend he didn't even exist for my own sake, but that was until today.

I was going to the coffee shop with Mads and Olivia as we always do in the mornings and that's when I saw him.

My heart started beating fast and I felt like I couldn't move, for so many reasons. First, I wasn't expecting to see him at all. I knew I would have to see him eventually, but I didn't think it would be this soon.

I was perfectly happy lying to myself and telling me that he was gone for good - So much for doing fine, I know.

Second, my heart is beating fast, just because I reminded myself that the man in front of me, in his perfect ironed sweater, is the man I love, but at the same time, he's the one who broke my heart.

And last, you won't guess who he's talking to. That might be obvious by now.

Diana. Of course.

Ever since that day at the party where she told me she was happy for us, she kept her distance. I saw her a few times, but that was it, she didn't try to talk to me or Noah, so I really believed what she said, but now she's in the picture again.

Why wouldn't she be? He broke up with you. She can do whatever she wants. My mind reminds me not so nicely and the knife in my heart twists a little more.

His eyes dart to my direction and we keep looking at each other for a few seconds. His mouth is a thin line, not showing any sign of emotion, just like when we broke up. I try to mimic his expression - or lack of - so he won't think I'm as heartbroken as I feel.

Well, looking at his face, If I had any hope that he might have suffered from some momentarily craziness and would regret ending things the way he did, is now gone.

He doesn't regret. His face tells me that. Three days without seeing me had zero effect on him.

Diana doesn't notice me or even that Noah is not paying attention to her anymore, so she keeps talking, not caring that his eyes aren't on her.

I have to control myself not to roll my eyes at them, annoyed as shit.

I just keep staring at them instead. I know Mads enough to know that she is controlling herself not to go there and punch the girl, but both her and Olivia are frozen in place, probably waiting for me to do something.