Before She Even Knows

Chapter 52 - How could I be so stupid?

"Emma, open the door, please."

He says again, as I don't do anything. I'm just standing in front of the door like an idiot, frozen in place, not wanting to open it.

What is he even doing here?

I wasn't expecting him to be back until tomorrow, so I thought I would have enough time to prepare for whatever was going to happen when we met.

Apart form the fact that it's the middle of the night, I'm definitely not ready to talk to him.

Not yet, not when I'm so confused.

I've spent the last few hours reading about his family, his business and even about my own family's company.

I'm sure there's so much more to the story that I'm still not seeing, but it's probably not a good idea to do this while I'm so emotional.

No one can think straight when there's so much emotions and confusion in between. It's like everything is a blur and I don't know what to believe anymore.    

Maybe when I talk to him it will be clear, however a part of me wants to ask him and the other part tells me I don't want to know.

It will be way too painful.

At least I stopped crying, so it's a good thing, right?

"I know you're in there. Open the door so we can talk. Please." He starts pounding on the door at this point.

I take a deep breath and finally make my decision.

I take two large steps and grab the door handle as if it's my life support, before turning it and opening the door with my shaking hands.

As soon as the corridor light hits me and the door is open enough, I see him with both his hands on the door frame, his head down as if he wasn't expecting me to open at all.

I see he's still wearing the tuxedo from the charity ball and I'm even more confused than before.

Why the hell is he here, wearing this, in the middle of the night?

He looks tired, probably from the long drive. Not that I should care.

Easy Emma, you still don't know the truth.

I hope it's not what I'm thinking, but deep down, I know it's all true.

"Did you come straight from the party?"

Of all the things I could ask - things I want to ask - I'm worried if he came from the party or not.

Brilliant Emma, just brilliant.

''Yes.'' He's looking at me intently, as if searching for something. Maybe answers. ''Can I come in?''

Maybe he doesn't know that I know. It's not like I talked to anyone about this, so he couldn't possibly know.

I know I'm lying to myself, but what if pretending it's not what it looks like can make this easier to deal with?

I have so many what ifs in my head that it gives me a headache just to think of all the possible scenarios.

I need to stay calm and focus at one thing at a time.

Let's start with the fact that I'm still wondering how the hell he's standing in front of me.

As if reading my mind, his next words make it clear.

"Mads called me. She told me about what happened at the party and that you were... acting weird. Are you ok?"