YOUTH. | JK | COMPLETE

2.5 friends

EVERYTHING I WANTED
BILLIE EILISH

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you hear
They don't deserve you"

Jeongguk doesn't go to work the next day, like Seokjin suggested. He lays in bed for the majority of the day, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep and having no appetite. Haneul wants to meet up with him, and a part of him wants to meet her too; a part of him wants to see her smile in real life, wants to hear the sound of her voice, wants to know how tall she is. But the other part of him, the stronger, bigger, more logical part doesn't think meeting her would be even remotely a good idea.

Firstly, she's scared of Wanderers. Irrationally, but scared nevertheless. The fear isn't personal, but Jeongguk can't help but feel it is. His age is something that is as much apart of him as anything else about him, and he has a sickening feeling that Haneul wouldn't appreciate his old fashioned habits or speech if she knew the reason behind them is that he is old. Secondly, she lives near Gwangalli Beach, which is where Jeongguk grew up and met Jimin. It's all too close to home, too reminiscent of what he lost. And, though the chances of this are slim, he's terrified of being recognized by people he used to know.

Though it has been over a century since he has been back to Busan, he has no doubt that there are definitely Wanderers who linger around the city, too stupid or careless to move around and preserve their quality of life. Wanderers who will acknowledge him as one of them and expose his secret to the world—and possibly, to Haneul. Jeongguk shivers just thinking about it.

It's around two in the afternoon the next day, and Jeongguk hasn't been able to sleep. It isn't because he's not tired, because he's exhausted. He yawns, and his vision drifts in and out of focus. His eyes are bloodshot and the dark circles beneath them are darker than before. He's tempted to text Haneul, but he knows she's working. And even if he did, he doesn't know what he would say. The new information left him at a loss for words.

Suddenly, his phone dings. His heart jumps, and he wonders if it's Haneul. He can't tell if he's excited about it or not, but he realizes he doesn't need to be either when he picks it up and reads the message.

Hey Jeongguk, it's Hoseok, I got your number from Seokjin. I know I may not be the person you want to talk to right now after what happened last night, but I'd really like to get together and talk about it and apologize. Meet me at the Golden Closet Brewery at 7 if you want, but don't feel pressured if you're uncomfortable. I hope we can still be friends.

Jeongguk sighs, tired eyes reading the words on screen over and over again, round wire glasses askew on his face. He pictures Hoseok, his bright white smile even more illuminated in the fluorescent lights of the club. He seemed too nice to deliberately deceive Jeongguk like that. Jimin would tell him he trusts too easily, and he knows that's true, but Hoseok was different, Jeongguk can feel it. He needs to hear what he has to say.

After making his decision and lying in bed awake for the hours leading up to 7, Jeongguk rolls his fatigued body out of bed, leaves the house feeling underdressed in sweats and a hoodie Seokjin bought him for Christmas. Once on the street, he pulls out the map he uses to get around the city. He gets a number of odd looks, but he doesn't know how else to get where he's going, so he shamelessly follows his map until he's standing in front of a shabby bar, the words "Golden Closet" fixed above the doorway in neon yellow light.

The bar is crowded for being so small, and Jeongguk doesn't see Hoseok at first, but all of a sudden he sees a flash of red hair and the megawatt smile Hoseok constantly sports, waving him over enthusiastically. Jeongguk hesitantly takes a seat across from Hoseok, and the redhead immediately senses his nerves. "Hey." He says softly. "Let me buy your drink. What do you want? You like Soju, right?" He asks, words spilling out of his mouth uncontrollably.