YOUTH. | JK | COMPLETE

what you are, not who you are

THE SCIENTIST
COLDPLAY

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

"Jeonggukkie hyung!" Hoseok says, enthusiasm and love practically dripping from his words. That is how Jeongguk is greeted when he enters Hoseok's hospital room, out of breath from running up the four flights of stairs after he didn't have enough patience to wait for the elevator (and because he's always been skeptical of elevators. A box floating up and down on four cables? No, thank you.) Though Hoseok's voice is weak and quiet, his excitement is ever-present, and his skin is pale from blood loss, but his beautiful smile is imprinted upon his lips.

"Oh, thank God." Jeongguk breathes out, rushing to his best (and only, he thinks with a pang of guilt) friend's bedside and giving him as good a hug as the breathing tubes and IV needles will let him. He breathes Hoseok in, and he can still smell the familiar scents of vanilla and pine beneath the sterile smell of the hospital that makes Jeongguk's nostrils burn. Just feeling Hoseok's chest rise and fall against his own with breath and feeling his warmth against his skin is enough to take a gargantuan weight off of Jeongguk's shoulders. "Thank goodness. Blazes, I was terrified, Hoseok. Truly." He murmurs into his best friend's shoulder.

"Eh. Didn't hurt that bad. Just a scratch." Hoseok jokes weakly, and Jeongguk's laugh gets caught on the lump in his throat as he remembers, as the past day comes crashing down on him once more; carrying any relief he had been given away like waves in a riptide. He pulls back quickly, but not suddenly enough to hurt Hoseok's wound. That "scratch" almost cost him his life—and it was all Jeongguk's fault. He had been so caught up in the fact that Hoseok was alive that he had momentarily forgotten about the fact that the reason he almost wasn't is himself.

"Oh, God. Hoseok, I am so, so sorry. You do not need to forgive me for what I have caused you, I-I cannot repay you—"

"Oh, shush." Hoseok says, reaching for Jeongguk's hand, but the boy snatches it out of reach. Does he not know? Did no one tell him who shot him? Did he not connect the dots?

"No, Hoseok, you don't understand. The man who attacked you was the bouncer from the night club, the same one who threatened me and knew I was accompanying you." Jeongguk explains shakily. He's terrified of losing the only person he has left, but he knows he needs to tell him the truth.

"I know, hyung." Hoseok says, and Jeongguk's jaw drops, unable to process how calm Hoseok is about this whole situation.

"Hoseok. It's my fault you're here. You almost perished because of me. I am to blame. Near death by association." Jeongguk emphasizes, and Hoseok manages a small, sad smile.

"I don't blame you at all, Jeongguk. You're not the one who shot me, are you?"

"I might as well have been, Seok—"

"Ah! Stop it right there." Hoseok interrupts him. "You didn't pull the trigger, therefore, by my logic, it's not your fault."

"That logic is quite faulty!" Jeongguk exclaims, and Hoseok only laughs, his big, bright, contagious laugh.

"Hyung. All you ever did was be born. Some people can't see that. They don't understand people like you, so they're afraid of you. Ignorant, scared people can do some crazy irrational things. Now, that's some faulty logic." Hoseok says softly, and Jeongguk's eyes sting with tears for what feels like the millionth time that day. He blames himself, deep down. Nothing anyone could ever say could make him lose the remorse he feels for inflicting this on Hoseok. But his best friend's words soothe him a little bit, and he's too exhausted to continue the debate. "I love you, Gguk. You're my best friend. And I know Seokjin isn't being as understanding as we hoped he would be, but he'll come around, because I know he loves you, too. There is no rationalized blame being placed on you by anyone but yourself." Hoseok says.