Elsie-Rae's got Double D's

dirty stop out

I know that saying, "you're going to regret that in the morning," but I never actually realised the true meaning of it until I woke up next to Shaun; he was naked with a trail of spit hanging from his mouth and there was a photo of Mel staring back at me. I thought it was kinda weird that he still had a photo of the two of them on his bedside table, they'd split over a year ago, but who was I to judge? All the knick-knacks from mine and Ben's relationship were stuffed in the back of the wardrobe, waiting for the day when we got back together.

There was absolutely no way I could face talking to him this morning, this whole situation had been a mistake, the worst mistake of my life. I could see my top discarded by the bedroom door, all I had to do was climb out of the bed and tiptoe across the room put in on, find my shoes and get the hell out of the house. With a bit of luck, I could maybe even make it back into my house without my mum noticing me. Imagine the shame if she saw me coming home in last night's clothes.

Unfortunately, I didn't possess any ninja-like stealth; I couldn't even make it out of bed without making any noise. For some reason, the room was spinning, and my legs didn't work properly I didn't even make it anywhere near my top.

"Are you okay down there?" Shaun asked I heard the floorboards creak beneath his feet; he was obviously on his way around this side of the bed to see what was going on.

Now, I'm not sure if it was all the alcohol I'd consumed last night or what I saw when I looked up. It was Shaun, all pale skinned, and flabby with tufts of ginger hair everywhere, whatever the reason, I found myself sitting in a puddle of my own vomit on Shaun's bedroom floor — I guess it could've been worse, I mean I could've been naked too.

I didn't really know what I was supposed to do in this situation. It was all new to me, not the getting drunk and being sick I'd done that plenty of times, but I'd never had a one night stand before, Jesus, I'd only ever had sex with one guy before this. I didn't know what the etiquette for such situations was, should I offer to clean the sick up? Or should I mumble an apology and get the hell out of there as fast as I could?

"I'm really sorry," I said to Shaun who was still standing over me.

"It's okay," he said, even though it clearly wasn't; the tar coloured sick was going to leave a stain on his cream carpet. "I'll take you home," he offered.

And I didn't want him to; I didn't want to get in Shaun's car with him and let him drive me home, but it was better than doing the walk of shame, so I said yes, anyway.

The drive to my house passed in silence, and I know how people talk about awkward silences, but it wasn't like that. I think it would've been more awkward if he'd tried to make conversation, I mean what could we possibly have to talk about?

"Erm . . . did we?" I asked as we pulled up at the end of my road. I felt like a right idiot for asking, but I couldn't remember a thing.

"No! God No! You were drunk, so drunk. You kissed me a couple of times, mumbled something about Ben being a bastard and then passed out."

"Oh, thank god for that," I sighed with relief. In fact, I was so relieved that I could've kissed him, but I didn't, anyone could've been watching. "Thanks for the lift," I said opening the car door, "sorry again . . . about the carpet."

"It's okay, no worries. I mean, maybe you could make it up to me and take me out for a drink?" he said.

"Yeah, maybe," I said with an awkward laugh, but what I really meant was no-fucking-way, not-happening-ever!

Okay, so I might have failed the first part of my mission in getting out of Shaun's house without him seeing me, but there was still a chance I could succeed with the second part - I could get into my house without my mum noticing.

"Where were you last night?" my mum's voice called out from the kitchen before I'd even had the chance to step one foot over the threshold.

"Fucks sake," I muttered under my breath. "I just stayed over at Aaron's; we had a couple of drinks," I shouted to her from the hallway.

"So, you're a liar as well as a dirty stop out," Aaron cackled from the kitchen.

Mortified is the only word I can think to describe how I was feeling; I'd not only been caught lying to my mum, but I was really hungover and almost late for work. It wasn't like I could call in sick when my boss was sitting downstairs. There was no doubt that Aaron would agree with my mother when she said she was appalled by my behaviour, but secretly he'd be laughing because he was the bastard that led me astray in the first place.

If he hadn't suggested a drink after work, then none of this would have happened, it was all Aaron's fault.