Crimson, Clover & Honey

{ 23 }

    The first time I held Eve it was surreal. She was absolutely beautiful, such a tiny miracle. Her small warmth, her pure existence took my breath away.

It almost felt like Yvonne had lost her life for something worth while. Maybe she had been right to press Samuel all this time-maybe she knew death would find her no matter a baby or not.

The thought was starting to creep up on me myself. Now that Xavier and I were seemingly starting to accept our relationship, bond or not, the actually issues of dating a vampire started to alarm in my brain. The issue of babies, of blood bonds, it fell farther in my mind as I faced the reality that I would die one day. Whether soon or far later, I would die. Most likely before Xavier. Did I really want him going through what I had now witnessed for Samuel?

We had dug Samuel from his grave a few nights ago. He was so deep in his head, we had to wake him out of the dirt. His skin was see through, his empty yerning blue veins bulging all over him. It looked painful.

His first question had been if Yvonne had risen, she had not. The next few nights, she had not come up either.

Despite this, Samuel seemed to hold some kind of hope. He paced her grave each morning and each night. He would only return to hold Eve and just hold her tightly for hours at a time.

Xavier seemed to hold up well during the fast. On the last night he cornered me, begging me to let him bite me. The full moon was fast approaching then and the temptation was strong but I held it together and kept him at bay.

Theo seemed to bury himself in Eve's care and researching in the attic. He did not once mention what he may have found from Naomi but I was hoping to get information from him at some point.

Jeremy was handling it the worst. He often exploded in rage fits, went for me at least twice, resulting in his move to the basement until it was all through.

The night the fast was over, I stayed home with Eve while the group went out for blood. Luckily, they all returned.

Tonight, in the end of November, the full moon was in the air. I was anxious, to put it lightly. I wasn't sure if it would be better or worse from the last, now that Xavier was no longer bonded to me. Although, it did make it simpler knowing that Xavier still wanted me or in some ways still loved me. I still hadn't decided if that was good enough-if it was genuine emotion or yearning for a connection that once was. I just knew that how I felt did not change.

   I was sitting outside in the frigid air. I had a blanket wrapped around me as I stared out into the forest behind us.

The windows and mirrors were still covered, so I had started a habit of coming outside to just get some air and get away from all the sadness inside. Although, right below me Yvonne layed in the ground.

Coffee was in my hand, keeping my fingers warm. I felt comfort, for the first time in a long time, with just myself out here.

The moon was so bright tonight, it felt like it was crying for my attention. I almost wanted to stick my tongue out at her. I knew that silly game, and I would get through it.

"Lorelei," I hear my name. Xavier takes a seat beside me on the small deck that trailed from his bedroom. Night was fully here now, I stood with only the light of the moon. I sipped my coffee.
"How are you feeling?"

His close proximity makes the hair on my skin stand up. I could feel the strength coming off of him.

I clear my throat, "so far so good. How are you?"