Vexed

12: Yes & No

I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor with the shower running over me. My suit jacket was on the bathroom countertop with my phone in its pocket. I am still wearing the rest of my clothes from earlier today and they are as drenched as I was.

I almost didn't recognize my own voice as the sobs escaped my lips. I lowered my head on my lap and hugged myself with all the strength I could muster. I was in pain. It was so fucking pathetic. I didn't want this, I didn't want any of this. But I was so quick to agree and make the decision. What was wrong with me?

I had two weeks. After that, I was going to lose everyone I loved. Giorgia, Matteo, Astrid, Jaquelin, Kay, and my pack. I would have to move to a whole new territory and abide by their rules. I am certain that some people in the Zonarus pack are still bitter about the war. There were collateral damages of the strategy that I planned out. I am not proud of it, but it won us the war.

I was so stupid to agree with everything without a fight. So, what if I dealt with a little heartbreak? It was surely worth keeping my position as the Beta of the Valentino pack. Right?

However, I wasn't so sure because I felt unwanted. The very position I had to work towards was no longer welcoming me. In a way, I was being shunned. My chances of facing the same fate as my father was increasing. My choices aligned me in the same position as him, a Luna of a Royal pack. The only difference was, my father, wasn't royal. That part of me came from my mother who was the Alpha, before Matteo.

I raised my face towards the water with my eyes closed. It was too late to back down now. Everything was in motion, if I were to call it off now then I would be nothing but a coward. Already too many things were starting to shift and if my standing as a powerful werewolf changed too then I don't know how I would handle that. I tried to choke down some of the sobs, but I gave up when they overwhelmed me more. The sobs were accompanied by occasional hiccups as I let my emotions flow through like the water.

My phone started ringing again, for what seemed like the twentieth time, and I let it go to voicemail. The thought of Zonarus occupied my mind. Like me, he wore lenses because I was never aware of his eye colors being different. I didn't understand why though, they made his features look sharper, it suited him. He turned out to be a bit different than what I had expected and known him to be. While he was true to his asshole behaviors, he showed me his kind side too. At least he was trying to be supportive through the entire situation. I could feel that my anger towards him was slowly fading. Must be a side effect of the bond.

It was strange really; we had been allies and perhaps even friends when we were kids. But for over a century I have spent more of my time hating on him and forcing myself to be civil. If anyone asked me yesterday, I would without a doubt tell them I disliked him. Now the situation was complicated. I was confused.

During the process of me overanalyzing his actions today, I recalled that he never really was horrible towards me. Zonarus always challenged me in a professional context and never missed an opportunity to make a snarky remark but those were things I had done back. As a matter of fact, they were at times friendly banter. I shook my head and leaned back to rest my head against the cold tiled wall. I can't be sure of his true intentions. Perhaps, he had been kinder to me to make up for the fact that he refused to help me during Mico's disappearance. Or maybe he was actually a nice person and the rumors about him were just horrible. There were many possibilities, but I was certain about something, I had to give him a chance.

He is my soulmate and I will be stuck with him forever. If I spent all that time hating him then how did it benefit me? I will just be a bitter person and I am not ready to give him the satisfaction of making me miserable. Whatever game he is or is not playing, I refused to let him win without a fight.