Clara Shelby

Chapter 6

Cautiously I push open John's door not bothering to knock, I quickly scan the hall and realise that the whole family must be benefitting from the growth of the company as John's house is just as big as the one attached to the betting shop. I briefly wonder about John being a dad and a husband as I stumble across children's toys in the hall. I would like to think that he is in love with Esme and they are both loving parents but for some reason I just cannot picture John settled. He is still so young.

Quietly I pad through the living room a little taken aback by how messy it is but once I realise that John is not here, I continue through to the kitchen where I finally see him. He is sitting staring at the wall unaware of my presence. His eyes are red which makes me wonder if he's been crying and there is a bottle of whiskey in his hand, unopened. Gingerly I take a few steps forward until I am beside him, he still doesn't look away from the wall. I take the whiskey from his hand and set about finding two glasses. When I find them, I sit at the table across from him, forcing him to look at me, and pour myself a glass. "Well if you're not going to have one I will. Its been a long day," I tell him. For a minute I look back and realise that it truly has been a long day, one in which I thought I would never see.

"I'm sorry..." John finally says pulling me from my thoughts.
"Shut up, John," I tell him not in the mood for his self-pity. "If any of this was yours or Thomas' or Arthur's fault, do you think I would be here now? If it wasn't for the three of you, I would have given up years ago!"
He looks at me dumbfounded as if I have just spoke in a foreign language. "Yea, but..."
"John, I told you everything that happened so that we didn't have to speak about it again. So, I could move on. I've got the doctors in the morning and after that I never wanna here of it again, alright?"
His expression is unreadable as he studies my face, he stands up and moves to behind my chair. I stand and face him, we look into each other's eyes, I search his desperately trying to work out how he is feeling. I used to be able to tell exactly what was going on with my brothers from a single glace and suddenly its almost as if looking into a stranger's eyes, I have no idea what John is thinking. He sighs and nods as if our eyes have come to some mutual agreement and hugs me tight, he rests his chin and promises me, "I ain't gonna let anyone hurt you again,"
"Jesus, between you and Tommy I ain't gonna be able to shit in peace," I laugh and I'm relived when he chuckles softly.

I don't stay long at John's I'm tired and want nothing more than to go to bed. Once I am happy that he no longer blames himself for what happened to me, I say my goodbyes and promise to send Esme around to make him a big dinner so he can get a good sleep for London tomorrow.

As I make my way back over to the betting shop, I stop a minute to take in Watery Lane, the cars, the children out playing, the ladies walking with their prams. The thought of calling this place home again settles in my mind and decide that no money in the world could ever convince me to leave this place again.

Tommy stands by the door as if he is my father and I have been out all night galivanting. I look him up and down but don't say anything as I walk into the living room and lie comfortably on the sofa, if Tommy has something to say, he will say it, there is no point in me pushing the issue. It takes him a minute before he joins me, he takes off his hat and his jacket and sits at the other end of the sofa. "Clara, about London tomorrow," Tommy starts. Oh no, he's changed his mind, he's not gonna let me go with them.
"Don't you dare Tommy, don't you dare tell me I can't come," I stand in front of him ready for a fight.
"I wasn't gonna," he tells me with a soft chuckle, the expression on my face making him laugh even more. I bite my tongue as I sit back down not entirely sure where this conversation is going.
"Clara, you've just never been involved in business alright? Your probably gonna see a different side to me and John. Expect all three of us to act like Arthur, right?"
I take a moment to chew over this information, I cannot ever imagine Tommy, my cool and calm older brother ever lashing out as impulsively like Arthur. That is unless he's telling me this for a reason.
"So you plan on getting into a fight then?" I ask him knowing that Tommy is too calculating to go down to London and start a fight without knowing the consequences.
"Yes, everything I do tommora is planned, it's just business. Just try not get yourself into trouble..."

I agree with him that I should lie low and try and not get myself into trouble in London tomorrow. Tommy realises how tired I am and shows me to my room, he tells me he's been living here himself since business started doing well and he could afford houses for Polly and the boys. He tells me that it will be nice to have a girl around the place and when I joke that I might want a house of my own too, he stops in his tracks. He warns me that I either live with him or one of they boys, being by myself is not an option, at that moment I'm glad that its not.

When my head finally hits the pillow, I expectto fall asleep straight away but I can't. My mind is busy going over the eventsof the day and how much my life has changed in twenty-four hours. Growing up Inever though much of Small Heath but now I see it as a haven. No one can touchme while I am here. This thought puts my mind as ease and eventually I findmyself drifting off to sleep.