AFO CRITIQUE SHOP [BATCH 2 - FULL]

B2-Adrestia Trefoil: Asphodel (KyriaArtemisa_)

📕Requester: KyriaArtemisa_
📕Title: Adrestia Trefoil: Asphodel
📕Critic Mentor: PhantomKing

➡️Ang iyong mababasa ay pawang opinyon lamang na may pinagbasehan.

➡️Nawa'y makatulog ako upang mas mahasa mo ang iyong kakayahan.

➡️1-5 chapters lang ang pinagbasehan ko ng critique na ito. Wag sanang dibdibin ng sobra.

⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩

💥Book Cover:

-Maganda naman ang cover mo. Simple lang pero nakakahalina. Makikita mo na agad ‘yong katangian ng main character kahit sa cover palang. 

💥Title:

-Your title is quite unique. I’ve searched the meaning kaya mas naintindihan ko ito.

👉Adrestia – In Greek mythology “she who cannot be escaped”. She was venerated as a goddess of revolt, just retribution, and sublime balance between good and evil.

(So ang tinutukoy nito ay ang tatlong bida na si Nemesis, Devi, at Sena.)

👉Trefoil – A small European plant of the pea family, with yellow flowers and three-lobed clover-like leaves.

(From its meaning na ‘three-lobed’, tatlo sila na bida.)

👉Asphodel – A Eurasian plant of the lily family, typically having long slender leaves and flowers borne on a spike. It symbolizes bitter and sorrow.

(‘Yan ba ang meaning niya? O ‘yong about Greek ulit? So ng nakita ko ang symbol ng Asphodel, may koneksyon talaga kay Sena. Nandiyan na ‘yong pait at lungkot na dinanas niya.)

-So para sa ibang mambabasa, sana ilagay mo ang meaning ng title mo sa may story description para maintindihan agad nila ito.

💥Opening

-I like your blurb! Pagkabasa ko no’n ay na-engganyo ako lalo. Then I like that you use flower to describe her. You’ve done a great job here because you also caught my attention fast enough.

💥Conflict

-As usual, the conflict of the story is Man vs. Man because it is an action story. Nakikita ko rin ‘yong Man vs. Self sa daloy ng story and there’s an emotional conflict in Sena.

-There is enough conflict between the characters. Para sa akin, naiparating mo naman ang mga ‘yan ng maayos. At kahit na sa bandang umpisa palang ay nariyan na agad ‘yong labanan.

💥Plot

-Dito naman sa plot, medyo hindi pa nararating ng story ang part na ito. Pero maayos ang flow ng story mo pati ang paglalarawan mo sa mga lugar, which is okay.

-Regarding to the flashbacks, it is good enough. Ito ‘yong nagbigay linaw sa mga katanungan ko. Tulad nalang ng kung paano nawala ang parents niya at kung bakit siya tinatawag na mama ng kaniyang kapatid.

-Then sa tingin ko kailangan mo pa ng subplots. Para mabigyan mo ng clue ‘yong ibang readers para mas ma-excite silang magbasa. Siguro kung huhulaan ko ang plot, Sena will hunt the persons who killed her mom and dad and the person who commanded them. (Cliché ba? Hehe)

💥Settings and Characterization

-As what I’ve said in the plot, you described properly the places and the order of events isn’t that messy.