AFO CRITIQUE SHOP [BATCH 2 - FULL]

B2- The Gifted (engrmarshmallow)

📕Requester: engrmarshmallow
📕Title: The Gifted
📕Critic Mentor: SyzygyWP

📍Ang lahat ng iyong mga mababasa rito'y pawang mga opinyon ko lamang. Bagama't meron akong sinusundang "guidelines", malaya ka pa ring gumawa ng sarili mong pagsasaliksik kung ika'y may agam-agam sa'king mga iminungkahi.

📍Ika-una hanggang ikalimang kabanata lamang ng obra mo ang binasa ko para sa pagbibigay ng kritiko. Gayunpaman, nawa'y makatulong ako upang mas lalong umunlad at malinang ang iyong kakayahan sa larangan ng pagsusulat.

⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩
💥Book Cover:

To put this bluntly, I find your cover a little bit awkward... Why?

Sa ginamit mong pabalat, ang unang-una ko talagang napansin (yung mga ulap talaga yung nakakatawag-pansin) ay yung ilang parte ng kalangitang kulay kahel. Speaking of colors, alam mo ba na ang isang kulay ay may iba't ibang kahulugan? As a former Psychology Student, napag-aralan namin noon ang kahulugan ng iba't ibang kulay.

The color orange resembles the following attributes: joy, warmth, heat, sunshine, enthusiasm, creativity, success, encouragement, change, determination, health, stimulation, happiness, fun, enjoyment, balance, sexuality, freedom, expression, fascination, et cetera.

You may be wondering why the hell I'm discussing this topic. And if I read your mind correctly, I bet you're probably saying something like this, "Drop the lessons freak, just go straight to the point!"

Okay. Dahil karamihan sa kahulugan ng kulay kahel ay puro positive traits, it's safe to assume that "that thinking" is applicable on your novel. Given that the main protagonist (Jace/Jayson) is possessing the given qualities, bakit nakakakita siya ng mga dark entities? Isn't it ironic for a positive man, drawing negative energies? I'm not saying that Jayce/Jayson, seeing entites is irrational. My point is hindi swak yung cover sa mismong kwento... Hope you'd get my point. Might as well share this to you. Baka makatulong sa' yo.

Ang isa pang napansin ko is yung old penname (Ever Blue) na nakasulat sa cover mo where in fact, engrmarshmallow na yung current penname mo. I do really suggests to change your cover. It can really cause confusions to your readers.

💥Title:

I was once a bloody reader. So the title "The Gifted" is not pleasing to me. Unang basa ko pa lang sa title, alam ko na kaagad kung ano ang magiging takbo ng kwento. It's all about a certain man/woman who can see what others can't.

Hindi ko na iisa-isahin yung mga tips and/or techniques to come up with a unique title dahil marami nang nakapagsulat ng entry tungkol 'dyan. You can search all over the Internet. Or you can simply search here in Wattpad.

💥Opening:

Wala kang naisulat na Prologue, Blurb, or any traditional ways to start a novel. So therefore, I conclude that the commencement of your novel is the "Zero" part. At habang binabasa ko yung first part ng novel mo, natutuwa lang ako. The setting in this particular scene is also refreshing for me.