On Loving Paul [McLennon]

Reenactments

It was nearly three when Paul woke up. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at John who stood up and strode over to Paul, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stroking his hair.

"Ow," he hissed.

"What's wrong?"

"My - my head is killing me," Paul said groggily.

"Alright," John nodded. "It's okay.... Hey, Paul?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you suddenly having nightmares about your dad again? He's been dead for over three years."

"No," Paul whined.

"He's dead, Paul. He's not coming for you."

"No," Paul repeated.

"Paul, I - "

"No!" Paul shouted. "I don't want to talk about it! I can't talk about it.... I can't.... I just can't...."

"Paulie,"

"No!!" Paul buried his head beneath in pillows and he began to sob. Full out sob. His body was shaking and his tears flowed like water falls. "I - I can't do this again! I'm sick of letting him control my life and - ruin it! He's d-dead and I'm I'm sti-still terrified of him!!"

"Sshhh," John continued to stroke Paul's hair. "Very thing is going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay."

Paul continued to sob. "Please, John.... Help me..."

John frowned.

"Make it stop...."

The older Beatle's heart shattered right then and there. He wanted to cry. Paul looked so helpless and though John knew that Paul was anything but, he also knew Paul needed his help right now....

"Make it stop, John, just make it stop."

....and he couldn't do what Paul needed him to do.

John sighed. "Oh yeah, I'll tell you something

I think you'll understand

When I'll say that something

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand,"

The younger man attempted to choke back his sobs, but he was rather unsuccessful.

"Oh please, say to me

You'll let me be your man

And please, say to me

You'll let me hold your hand

I'll let me hold your hand

I wanna hold your hand."

Paul slowly sat about and wrapped his arms around John. He buried his face in the crook of John's neck and the older man' auburn hair tickled his forehead.

"And when I touch you," Paul croaked.

"I feel happy... Inside."

"It's such a feeling that, my love," John joined in again.

"I can't hide

I can't hide

I can't hide."

John smiled and held Paul against his body. "I love you so much,"