On Loving Paul [McLennon]

Desicions, Desicions

As time went on and John continued to spend time with Yoko and Paul continued to spend time with Linda (both of them for very different reasons), John began to realize something.

He began to realize that he loved Yoko Ono, something he hadn't felt toward anyone save Paul for nearly ten years. It made him feel guilty because that's not what he had started hanging out with Yoko, he had started hanging out with her to make Paul jealous. But alas, that hasn't happened and now he had feelings for her while still being madly in love with Paul.

Then, in 1968, John was laying on the couch with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

When he stood up and began pacing the living room, his mind turned to the song that he had written for Paul so long ago. The one he had never mentioned to Paul, showed him, sung to him... The song that John hated, yet had left crumpled up atop his dresser since the day he wrote it.

John raced to his bedroom and snatched the balled up piece of paper off of his dresser, unrolling it and flattening the wrinkled material on his dresser. He read;

"Love is real
Real is love
Love is feeling
Feeling love
Love wanting
To be loved,"

John sunk onto his bed and continued to read the lyrics which were the workings of his very soul and a representation of his feelings for Paul.

"Love is touch
Touch is love
Love is reaching
Reaching love
Love is asking
To be loved,"

He felt tears threatening to spill over.

"Love is you
You and me
Love is knowing
We can be,"

But how could they ever truly be?

"Love is free
Free is love,"

John realized that when he had written the song and written that 'love is free' because he always felt free when he was around Paul, like he could do anything, he had been thinking about it all wrong. It didn't matter how he felt when he was around Paul or how Paul felt when he was around him, they weren't free. They were trapped, tied up, locked in a room, shoved in a corner. They weren't free!

"Love is living
Living love
Love is needing
To be loved."

John now knew that Paul needed someone who could love him the way he needed - deserved - to be loved. And John couldn't do that.

Paul deserved a normal life, a family.

And that's when John made his decision.... He would break up with Paul and allow him to have the life with Linda that he could never have in a secret and very hidden relationship.

Maybe he would even marry Yoko. Hopefully Paul would have enough sense to marry Linda.

That night John put his plan into action and Paul spent the next year wondering what he had done. After that year was up, John told him.

~~~

A/N: sorry that this was so short! i'll update again soon. also I apologize for any emotional trauma caused by this story.