Kelepto I.g

23:

My backpack and a change of clothes were handed to me as I signed discharge papers. My prescriptions and referral sheets were in a folder tucked under my arm, and I was getting prepared to walk out of that ward.

I was still bleeding lightly but the on sight doctor examined me and told me I successfully passed the fetus, with no complications which is good because I was definitely at risk. I was no longer pregnant, I was in treatment, and I was getting released, so I guess I'm better than I was a week ago.

I smiled at the guard as the buzzer sounded and I walked through the white gate, my hands gripping tightly on my backpack straps and I made my way out of the building, the fresh air making me feel awake for the first time in a week.

I hadn't informed anyone of my discharge, mainly because I didn't wanna deal with the feeling I would get when no one picked up, or turned up. I did it on my own, just like I've been doing everything on my own since I was dumped here.

I felt strong in a way. I dealt with my pregnancy on my own, got help on my own, survived nights in that place with no visits or anything, I did it all. And I was feeling ok for the first time since I was a very small girl. And it was nice.

I walked home, it was a lengthy walk but I didn't have much choice seeing as I had no money on me, and everyone in my life had evaporated. But i also didn't mind it too much, enjoying my freedom.

•••

When I turned the corner onto my street I smiled to myself, the run down neighborhood was still home and home was somewhere I didn't know I'd ever see again.

I walked slowly, looking at every house, seeing some of my neighbors outside, a few of them waved which I returned. I walked through my own gate, snagging my extra key from under a rock and letting myself in. The house was quiet, I'm pretty sure I was alone, Ethan was probably still at practice, and Flynn was probably banging his girlfriend. But honestly I didn't really want to see them, I wasn't exactly happy with them.

Opening the door to my room was like going through the gates of heaven. I missed my bed so much I couldn't help but throw myself on it. Cuddling into my flowery scented pillows, my sheets much softer than the hospitals. I smiled to myself, happy to be within my four walls, in my own home, instead of crammed in with a bunch of twitching women.

•••

I spent a while cleaning my room, throwing out things I used to harm myself with, flushing pills I found. I kept one lighter, for my occasional cigarette, but it was odd holding it and having no urge to hurt myself, it was just plastic now. Not a weapon against myself.

I gathered all of Ian's things that he had given me or left here, putting them in a bag to return to him, not seeing a need and keeping them around, it would only make me feel worse about this little situation.

After everything was clean, I made my bed, new sheets and everything, making the room feel fresh.

I took a hot shower for the first time in a week, using my own soaps, shaving my legs and arms, leaving the small amount of hair on my genitals that grew, seeing as I wasn't going to be having sex anymore.

Brushing my hair and washing my face had never felt so good, brushing my teeth and using real mouthwash was like getting high to me , I hated that alcohol free shit in the hospital it didn't help for shit.

I changed into jeans and a yellow top, putting a red bomber jacket over top and putting on my vans that didn't have the laces snatched out of them by some nurse thinking a tiny string could hold me up long enough for me to hang myself.

I took a few deep breaths before grabbing the bag of Ian's things and a cigarette, placing it behind my ear and making my way to the blue house. The new me wasn't as insecure and needy, I didn't feel the need to beg for forgiveness and use sex to get Ian to take me back like I would have a week ago, instead I realized that he made his choice, and I had to respect that.