The Nerd Diaries: Arnold (18+)

Twelve: The Lover's Diary

Prescilla

Puff. Pass. Puff—coughing fit.

Jonny drops the pipe as his body convulses from the hit he'd just taken. I roll my eyes and pick it up, taking my turn before passing it to the next person in the circle.

I'm at a party that has more bodies than the high school. It's not really my scene, or I guess it hasn't been since I started seeing Arnie.

Our time together is always amazing, he's amazing... And I really wish I would have realized that a long time ago. Maybe then I wouldn't have wasted so much time from delaying Arnie and I's relationship.

I had my qualms that kept me from pursuing him. He was different. He stuck out in his own shiny, good way. I guess I felt... dirty by that and even more after I realized I had a thing for him. But it was clearly my insecurities futile attempts at holding me back, because Arnie and I are together now.

As the rest of the stoners in the circle pass around the pipe I glance up that clock, then curse. It's just past midnight and I had told Arnie I would see him later—meaning after a dinner with my parents that I didn't even go to.

I head away from the noisy circle and pull out my phone from my pocket, unlocking it immediately. The screen has notifications of a few dozen missed calls from him, and a message from my mom.

I open hers first.

Hey sugar, I take it you're spending the night with Arnold? Wish you would have told me but have fun. Call me in the morning. XO

Part of me wants to scoff at that. She knows why I'm not talking to her right now. Of course, she doesn't know that I know what she is keeping from me.

My frustration on the matter is easily pushed aside with the comfort of the good old marijuana in my system. Times like these, it's the only thing that distracts me from what's going on.

I open Arnie's messages next, there's a list. Of course there is, I laugh to myself. Skimming them quickly, I find that they're an array of are you okays and other over the top concerned messages that make me shake my head in amusement. I go straight to calling him once I reach the end of his messages.

The dial tone rings and rings, but he doesn't pick up. I glance back at the clock while I wait and am reminded that it is really late. Arnie is more than likely sleeping for school tomorrow, and probably fell asleep thinking that I stood him up.

I'm such a bitch. I groan aloud when an image of Arnie waiting up and growing disappointed as each hour goes by fills my head. 

 I make my way back to the circle in the middle of Jonny's living room floor and as soon as I'm sitting, snatch the weed pipe out of the hands of the guy sitting a few people away from me. He does the smart thing and doesn't give me any shit for it.

I'm not a temper tantrum queen by any means, but right now, I need this outlet. As I breathe in the green substance, some of my stress dissipates, and my mind still wanders to things that have it coming right back.

This is not how I intended for the night to go. I had every intention of coming here to blow off some steam and then heading back to Arnie's afterward with a better mindset. I don't want to hurt him and it's for that reason that I am here.

If I would have gone straight to Arnie, I would have thrown myself at him and used him as a distraction. He wouldn't have known the difference. I couldn't use him like that, it would have just added on to my stress.

In the past when I needed to blow off steam I would just go to Tommy and we'd get drunk at parties, which is where I met Jonny in the first place. But, Tommy has been doing his own thing, so this was my only other option.