Tough Luck, Rough Love {Slümptäçïøn}

Ch.10:Looking For A Star

This is late asl but I been through some shit over the past month and my nigga tongue kissed me last night and I am flabbergasted.

Turns out, Uzi's surprise visitor was his lawyer. He was here to let him know that the judge had finally come to a decision to have him serve one more week. One more fucking week? Then I'm gonna be alone here? Really?

I don't get it. I really don't know what I've done in my life to deserve this luck I have. Or lack in better words.

So now I have to wipe my eyes, my dick, and I have to accept the fact that he's leaving.

And I'm stuck here.

As he looks over at me from where he's standing against the wall, I can tell he's happy with the news. And believe me, I'm happy for him too but I just can't make the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart coincide.

He sees the look on my face as I turn around to him again and his smile slowly fades. The tears in my eyes begin to show and he grabs me and pulls me into a hug when they fall.

"I'm so sorry Jahseh," he tells me in my ear, " if I could take you with me you know I would. I don't wanna leave you alone here. You know that right?" He asks. I nod my head from where it lay in the crook of his neck, sniffling as I did so.

The cell was quiet while we hugged. I hated crying. I felt weak whenever I did. It reminded me of the fact that I was now alone, and god knows how much I hated being alone.

I'm glad Uzi was with me for as long as he was. It made being here better than what it could have been.

We broke our hug and he smiled at me. I gave him a small smile back and turned back to the sink to finish cleaning up. I had a long road ahead of me and being sticky with cum wouldn't lessen the situation.

••••••••••••••••••••

Well, it's been a few months. I've been pretty good. At least with my behavior. And the kid that was watching me lift weights and I were pretty close now.

Nahmir, whose real name turns out to be Nick, was a young kid. Younger than me actually. And he was just the sweetest thing. He's like a little brother to me.

I had my cell to myself now. Though the memory of Uzi still saddens me, I still feel like he's in here with me.

He's not allowed to visit me though. Probably because ex criminals can't visit current inmates here. But he sends me notes via Jordan, his Prison Guard boyfriend.

People don't harass me here. Probably still traumatized by the way I fucked Danny up way back when. He's been transferred since then and no one has heard from him as far as I know.

I can't wait to get out of this place though. Just a year and a few more months until I'm free. Nick is supposed to be out around the same time as I am, so we spoke about becoming potential roommates.

Currently I'm laying in my bed. I've been up for hours, letting my thoughts cloud my mind and deciding what to do since sleep was currently impossible for me. I could beat my meat, but that's for lil ass boys.

I could write... yeah. I'll do that I guess.

I haven't been writing a lot recently because my head has been too crowded with thoughts that I wish would go away. I know I'm smarter than the average guy my age, so I've been told, but the thoughts that come into my mind are not welcomed half the time.

I wish they would go away sometimes, I wish I was laying in bed with Stokeley. I wish he'd never left me. I wish I was dead.

Goddammit I wish I was dead!

I was so worked up I punched my bed multiple times, grunting with the force I put behind each hit. That satisfied me a little. But I still wanted to write.

I stood up from the now mangled bed and walked over to the corner where I kept my notebook and pencil. I grabbed it and flipped through my notebook, looking at all the old poems and doodles I've put inside.

I've been in this place for far too long. I thought to myself. I've almost completely used up all the pages in my notebook and then I'd have to get another one somehow. Shit.

I found one of the las untouched pages of the book and started heading it.
Looking for a star ⭐️
••••••••

"Yo, Nick. Read this for me." I told him. It was lunchtime and Nick and I were sitting together. I handed him my notebook, flipping it to the page I wrote on all through the night. I hadn't had a wink of sleep, and it was evident in my face. My eyes were half lidded with bags under them and I couldn't keep my head up for more than 30 seconds without trying to nod off.

After taking the notebook and reading over the writing, Nick's face lit up and he looked at me.

"Aye this shit is fire. The manuscript could use a little work but I mean-"

"Fuck you man." I interrupted him and we both broke into laughter.

"But seriously man," Nick started, "you have to get in the studio when we out this bitch."

I groaned in annoyance and he rolled his eyes as we stood up to dump our trays. I liked music, and I really wanted to record myself. But nothing in life has ever stayed positive for long.

What if it all fucks up?
••••••

Here I am back in this damn cot they call a bed. I wish I wasn't in here. I always wish that but I'm still here huh?

It's not time for bed yet, but there was nothing else for me to do. I'm tired from not trying any sleep last night, and I keep thinking about Stokeley.

I'm tired of thinking about him! What has he done good for me since he's left? Not a damn thing.
If I saw him now I'd either break down and cry, or punch him in the face as hard as I can. I don't even know what the fuck I think of him anymore.

"Onfroy!" A guard suddenly yelled. His deep voice startled me from my brooding, causing me to jump up.

"Y-yeah?!" I shrieked, standing tall and looking him straight in the eyes.

What he said next made my eyes wide and mouth drop.

"Visitor."

Who could it be?????
I'm so sorry for the long wait guys. My mind hasn't been... there. (Has it ever been tho?)
Also I was tongue kissed for the first time and idk how to feel-