Affliction

All I wanted was this

His eyes were like fire, burning into me any chance they got.

His touch was exhilarating, making my heart race and bringing goosebumps to my skin.

His kiss was like heat on ice, he made me melt into him every time.

His voice when he would whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

His skin on my skin, it felt so good to be so close to him, I never wanted it to stop.

His hands touching every part of my body, carefully, like I was fragile and could break easily.

He knew that nobody else could ever make me feel this good, and he took pride in that.

But this? this was just the first time.

The second time? this was a different story, one I like much better.

It was the way his eyes grazed over me, like he was hungry and about to eat a three course meal

It was the way he pulled my hair ad grabbed my hips

The way his hands felt around my neck

The way he'd say," get down on your knees princess"

The way he had promised he'd never break my heart, because id always be his.

I never realized how bad he would hurt me.

The longer I waited, the worse things would become, Id get scared, id cry and lose my mind.

But he seemed to enjoy it. every time he'd hit me, it gave him a sense of dominance and made him feel more powerful.

He didn't care that I was hurt, he didn't care that I had bruises and welts

Because it was somehow satisfying to him,and that's all that mattered.

I cried myself to sleep and let everyone think I was okay.

It was like he owned me, like I was a dog or a cat.

I had to ask him to do things and he had to approve of my clothes.

Then he got me pregnant. every time something didn't go his way, he'd threaten me and the baby. I was scared of him.

But most of all, I was scared to leave him.

I was scared of something new, because he , was all I knew.

I didn't want to leave him or want to have to.

It was what was right

I couldn't let this go on any longer than it already had.

He began to use me, for anything he wanted. He didn't care if I said no or stop, because according to him I had already given my consent more than once, so what was the difference any other time? It became un-pleasurable to me and I would cry the whole time. I would beg him to stop and he never would. He didn't care. He didn't care about me or anything that had to do with me. So why would he tell me he loves me? he'd get mad and hit me then 20 minutes later , he'd tell me he loves me and never wants to lose me, but why? because he knew every time he'd tell me he loves me, he'd bring me back to the "magical world" the place that felt so surreal, so he wouldn't lose me. Not that he'd care anyway.