Affliction

i miss you

I can't seem to get the words out that I need to say.

I miss you every single  day.

i thought things would be better this way

I had hoped that, 

If I didn't see you

If I did't  hear your voice

That I wouldn't miss the way that you held me

But I do.

And I cry, and wonder why

You hurt me.

In more ways than one.

There were times when we had fun

And you'd make me smile and laugh

But you never made it last. 

And I would look into your eyes, not to see love.

But hurt and despise

You felt pain inside,

And you'd never tell me why.

One day you opened up 

You cut

Your heart open and spilled out all of it's contents.

You were vulnerable then.

You didn't want me to see you like that.

But you were my first. 

My first love and I didn't want to give up.

I didn't want to give up on us.

But it turned out to be a lie,

And every time I cried

Was just a waste of time.

Because was effort put into something 

that meant nothing.

But it's okay.

It never mattered anyway.

The  way I felt and things I told you

They were true.

But now, I'm turning blue

From lack of oxygen.

My lungs were filled with the hate you gave.

And it infected me like a disease.

And I begged you, please, don't do this to me.

Don't push me away like you always do

Don't hide the inner truth

And what you don't understand is

I live in my head

And most days I wish I was dead.

And it's only from the pain that occurred 

regarding you.

I lie in my bed looking at all the places I have bled

I'm still in my head.

Where no one can hurt me, no one can desert me.

They can't 

You can't feel my pain,

And I know i'm all alone again.

They told me how it was supposed to be

But now do you see 

What you have done?

You pushed me to my edge

the edge of insanity

And soon enough I'll be gone.

Gone from you.

I can't keep trying

I can't keep wondering what I do wrong

I sit here and ponder in my thoughts 

Craving the truth of the unknown.

And while I may not even want to think about you, 

you keep crossing my mind.

It's like the waves keep crashing down  on me

And I never have the chance to get back up.

And I'm scared here, under water in the cold darkness-alone- I'm always alone.