The Boy I Admire From Afar

Chapter 15

Grinn
Grinn
My stupid phone woke me from my restless sleep and I could only hold my head and groan, I felt like crap . When the phone won't stop ringing I decided to pick it even though I was in no mood to talk

"Hello" I said immediately I picked the call

"IFE!!!!!" I sighed I looked at the phone off course it was Eniola but i was in no mood to talk to anybody so I pressed the red button and switch off the phone . I was still on the same floor I slept off yesterday and remembered the incident of yesterday but I refuse to cry, I hated crying and it is high time I stop crying. My life is in this mess because of what I did and it has pulled me down enough as it seems so am going to get my life straight and pass the big exam in front of me, this exam is my problem right now. There is no Samuel in my life right now or Jide,am just a girl who is about to write her waec and is damn ready to pass with flying colors.
————————————————————————
As much as i hate to admit it, its Monday already and I don't want to stand up to go to school but I know I have no choice I just have to suck it up and go to school so I got out of bed and did my business and went down stairs for breakfast.

I was in no mood for taking or jesting and I think Daniel got the gist because he left me to my self and made no side remarks at the table , so I eat in peace and waited for dad to drop me in school even though I was not that eager cause I know dad will try to make small talks am not interested in and am going to face everyone at school.

Even though I looked brave on the outside  I was shitting my pants inside, I was scared I won't be able to keep my distance from them but at the same time i knew I had to, not being their friend Is better then losing them especially Jide.

The ride to school was shorter then I wanted to , much to my dismay I had to leave the car and go to school so I gathered all my courage and left the car muttering a small thanks and see you later to my dad as I grabbed my stuff and opened the car quickly to join the assembly .

______________________________
I was able to successfully avoid Jide even though it was hard but Eniola was not the same case, it was hard as fuck to avoid her not when her chair was behind and James beside me but he only tried to get my attention once during class and stopped when he got the gist I didn't want to talk to him but eniola on the other side made everything super hard, she kept trying to get me attention from whispering my name which I ignored and got the teachers attention to writing on piece of paper and throwing them at me, at first it started with her angry at me for not picking her call and not trying to call her back , then she started asking If she had done anything wrong and that she was sorry, but I just ignored them and she stopped ,now it lunch break and Am hungry but am not ready to go to the cafeteria with the idea of me seeing them there so i stayed in the class room and  decided to revise forgetting that Jide could simply come and look for me I guess the hunger was messing with my brain.

I felt someone hovering over me but I refused to raise my head up and waited for the person to talk knowing fully well who it was due his cologne

" Why are you avoiding me"

"Dose it look like am avoiding you"

" yes it does"

"Then you can see clearly that am not interested in talking to you" I said in the coldest voice i could have sworn it wasn't mine so I mentally gave my self a gentle pat in the back

" if you don't really want to talk to me , raise your head look into me eyes and say it"

I prayed for inner strength as I raised my head and looked straight into his eyes
"This is what you want , right"
"I don't want to talk to you Jide, not now or tomorrow so get the gist and leave me alone already"  I said going back to the past question I was reading

"I know you are ignoring me and I still don't know why, but please come to the cafeteria to eat, your stomach keeps grumbling you shouldn't starve your self because you are trying to avoid me"

"Ha ha ha" l laughed " wow, you feel so important right now abi, So you think I will starve my self because I don't want to talk to you or what  ,so your small mind conjured it together that am ignoring you right, am sorry to burst your bubble OBO but not everyone will worship at you feet and if you for once think i will be one of those idiot fangirling over you then you are in for the biggest shock of your life Jide cause I don't care. Now if you will excuse me I have some reading to do , not all of us have fathers who can buy result for us"

I saw his eyes changed form being angry to sad and then hurt, I know I hurt him a great deal and the words were unnecessary but the harsher the word the better he will get the message to stay away and maybe if he tell James and Eniola too how I spoke to him and then they will hate me too. Then I won't have to face them

"I don't know what's going on with you Ife, but I will leave you alone and If you need anything you know where to find me" and with that he left me alone

I couldn't stop the tears any longer as my tears started spilling before I could stop them, I was wailing and crying like someone who was faced with a death sentence but maybe my heart truly was dead and my emotions on a death roll  because I had no control over it . I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and I quickly cleaned my tears trying to save the little bit of my pride left after this person has seen me crying and wailing.

"Why did you say all those cruel words to him if you were going to cry your eyes out afterwards"

I recognized the voice immediately, it was Eniola's voice
"The rule also applies to you , stay away from me" I said those words slowly with enough cruelty to make a hired killer shudder in fright

"No matter what you are going through, you shouldn't have spoken to him like that. You know he likes you and you saying that to him just killed him" Eniola said raising her voice slightly

"If you care about his feeling so much why don't you go and date him, and don't ever mention what am going through again what do you understand, life is all bed and rose for you so what do you know" I said trying to keep the anger in my voice down the last thing I need right now is unwanted attention

"Well congratulations , you have been able to kick everyone in your life out again , so I really hope you enjoy your life the way you want it cause me and my brother are going to stay away from you, you have hurt him enough" with that she left the class probably going after her twin

Hot tears started spilling from my eyes again , I seriously don't know why am crying again this time, I got what I wanted they left me alone then why do I feel so hurt again, why does it feel like me someone is poking my heart over and over again. It hurts, it hurts so bad, I looked inside my mathset and searched for the razor blade I kept in it , I need something,anything to dull this pain in my chest luckily I found the blade and ran to the toilet thankfully it still break so everyone is in the cafeteria.
My hands were shaking so hard as I unwrapped the blade, i promised myself not to cut again but anything that will dull this aching pain even if it means going back on my promise.

I raised my shirt up in hurry and slid the blade on my stomach with urgency trying to control my shaking hand so as not to cut too deep.
I winced when I felt the pain , I cut twice more and rinsed my hands in the sink carefully to avoid blood on my cloth.

I started feeling guilty like i always do after cutting , when the pain wears off I feel guilty and then promise not to do it again then go Through the same cycle again the next day, at least I was able to concentrate on another pain other then my bleeding heart, and trust me any other pain is better then the feeling of worthlessness.

I cleaned my self up and looked at me self in the mirror , I looked like someone whose husband just died with me red puffy eyes that is a sure sign of my tears, I knew there wasnothing i could do about it so i slowly went back to class as the bell rang at the same time.
______________________
Hey guys thanks for your patience, votes and comments and those that added my book to your reading list , thank you very much I really appreciate it , I will try to upload a little bit faster  cause I have another book I plan to publish soon so I hope you will give this new book the same support you gave this one . Thank you so much
Don't forget to vote, comment and share