Never A Happily Ever After || ForthBeam FF

Chapter 15

FORTH POV

    I sit, waiting, in the diner for Beam t arrive. He called yesterday and said that he agreed that we should talk. I was shocked but immediately agreed to meet him where ever he wanted to. I had come a little early so I had been scrolling through my phone and didn’t realize Beam had walked in until he walked up and sat down across from me.

    When I looked up my heart dropped. He looked horrible. He had dark circles around his eyes from not sleeping. He looked a little skinny and that worried me. Was he not eating properly. I never saw him at lunch when I went there with Kit.

    “Hi.” He said softly. I put my phone down and gave all of my attention to Beam.

    “Are you hungry?” I ask. He doesn’t answer and just shakes his head.

    “I think we should just get straight to the point.” He said. I nodded and put down the menu I was holding. “Do you want to go first?” He asked. I nod.

    “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about the scholarship. I didn’t really think it would matter. I applied months ago. I didn’t hear back so I figured that I wasn’t accepted. I had completely forgotten about it and then I met you. I fell in love with you, Beam. The first person in my entire life that I have ever loved. The first person I wanted to be with, body and soul. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was going to call and reject them tonight. Ming told me that you guys talked and I’m sorry that you had to find out from him. I just didn’t want to upset you in any way.” I explained. The whole time I was talking Beam was listening carefully. He didn’t interpret me and let me talk. When I was done he nodded.

    “I forgive you.” He said. I chuckled and let out a deep sigh.

    “Thank you.” I said. He held up his hand to stop me.

    “But,” He started. “But I still stand by what I said when you called. I don’t think we should be together.” When I heard those words come out of his mouth I could literally hear the sound of my heart breaking.

    “Why?” I asked.

    “Forth,” He said leaning forward and putting his hand on mine. I was immediately reminded of that time over break when I told Beam that I like him and that I would wait for him. “When you met me I was nowhere near ready to be with someone. I have so much baggage that it’s crazy. I had this massive steel wall that you broke down like it was nothing. I felt vulnerable and you were there to comfort me. You were there when I needed you. There when I felt upset. But,” He said pausing. “That’s all it was. You were a friend. I’m sorry if I led you on to make you think that it was something else.” He said removing his hand from mine.

    My heart was broken into tiny pieces that had been stepped on repeatedly. I felt like bursting into tears. Tears that I knew wouldn’t stop even if I tried my hardest.

    “What about when we..” I trailed off, not able to finish my sentence.

    “That was impulsive. You were there with me. You were comforting me.” He looked up into my eyes. “It was a mistake.” He said is like it was nothing. “I’m sorry. That’s why I said what I said. Take the scholarship. You deserve it. Don’t get stuck here. Fulfill your dreams and be proud.” He said smiling sadly at me. “I have to go.” He said standing up. He took one more look behind him before disappearing out the door.

    In that moment my heart was gone.

BEAM POV

    As I stepped out the door the tears, that longed so much to be out, fell. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to. The only thing I was worried about was getting as far away from Forth as I could. I didn’t think about it. I just let my feet guide me.

    A few minutes later I was at Pha’s dorm room knocking on the door. The tears still hadn’t stopped and I knew they wouldn’t anytime soon. When Pha opened the door his eyes went wide.

    “Beam?” He asked pulling me inside. Kit, Ming, and Yo were all sitting around the table laughing, but stopped once they saw me. “Beam? What’s wrong?” As soon as he asked I fell to the ground. Pha caught me and wrapped me in his arms. I cried into his shoulder, not able to say anything.

    It took me about twenty minutes to get to a point where I could talk. I was sitting on Pha’s bed with my head in Yo’s lap. He was stroking my hair. Pha and Kit had gone to get pizza and Ming was ordering a movie to watch.

    “Are you okay now?” Yo asked. I looked up at him and smiled softly before nodding.

    “No.” I said. Yo chuckled. He nodded and continued to rub my hair when Kit and Pha walked in.

    “You better not tryna be making a move on my boyfriend.” Pha joked. I laughed and shook my head sitting up.

    “I’m not.” I said. Yo wrapped his shoulders around my neck and kissed my cheek.

    “You better treat me right.” Yo said joking. Pha gasped dramatically. We all laughed. Pha walked over and kiss Yo deeply. I must admit that I was jealous. They looked good together. They had something I would never have.

          “Wanna talk about it now?” Kit asked as he sat down next to me. I nodded.

          “I broke it off with Forth.” I said. “For good. I told him that what I felt for him wasn't what he thought. I told him that I didn't have feelings for him.” I explained. I felt more tears roll down my cheeks. “I know that it wasn't right, but I had to.”

           “Why?” Yo asked. I sighed.

           “I love him with all of my heart. I love him so much that it hurts. He is the first person I have ever had this feeling for. He's the first because I'm so damaged. And because I'm so damaged is why I did it. He needs someone who's not going to hold him down. Someone who's gonna live with him and have the best life. That isn't me.” I explained as the tears fell. Yo rubbed my back with his hand. “He'll go to the states. He’ll get over me and find someone that makes him so happy. That's how it should be.”

           “Don't you deserve to be happy?” Pha asked. I shook my head and looked up to him smiling as best as I could.

           “I'll never be happy.”

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Wow. So this was sad. I'm actually crying as I write this. What have I done.
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