Imported | On Hold |

0.8

I couldn't stop thinking about it, about him, and it was driving me crazy. It'd happened weeks ago, and I couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop thinking about it. Growing up, I'd never been a fan of labels, and even when I did date I wasn't fond of being chained down to one person. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't one to get around much, but when I did, I definitely preferred to keep it low-key. This feeling was different though, this feeling scared me. It was like every time he walked into the room he took my breath away, it constantly felt like I'd been jabbed in the stomach, the pain replaced with butterflies. Every time we touched, as careless as it was, my heart pounded in my chest. Him being gay wasn't helping either, and what killed me the most was the fact that he thought I was straight. I didn't know what I was, but I knew for sure that I wasn't just straight. I was definitely attracted to him, physically, emotionally, mentally, I think if he hit me in the face, I'd say thank you.

It started being a problem for me about three days ago, I'd accidentally walked in on him showering. He'd seen me and smiled, waving at me through the glass like the actual idiot he was. I thought it'd be fine, but then I looked, and I really wished that I hadn't because God damn he had a big dick. Not that I'd even know what to feel about one, I'd never experienced that much in college, maybe the occasional make-out session when I'd smoked one too many blunts or whatever. Seeing his dick sparked something in me, and suddenly I had a very big problem, (not as big as Garrett's, but close enough). I thought my eyes would explode out of my head, and I knew I had to get out of there before he noticed. But where could I go? I was crashing the couch for God's sake, and Garrett was in the bathroom obviously. My problem was growing and I had no options.

"You are not jerking off in Garrett's living room," I mutter, turning around quickly to make sure that Garrett was intact still in the shower and that he hadn't just heard me say that, he was, and relief fills my body, but only for a minute. I prayed that Garrett's shower ended soon, so I could ahem... relieve myself.

It happened again, and this time I swore it'd been intentional on his part. We'd been at Shanes and he was helping me set up the camera equipment for a bit in the hallway. I guess there had been too many of us in one spot and Garrett and I ended up pressed against each other, and for a second I could've sworn his hands were on my hips as he pressed into me. I'd had to excuse myself for that one, dashing off to the bathroom only to find another problem waiting for me in my pants.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could take this without telling him, but then something happened that eliminated that option entirely.

"Andrew! This is Clayton, one of my ex's from back in the day, Clayton, this is Andrew!" Clayton removes his arm from around Garrett's waist long enough to shake my hand. I stay silent, not sure of what to say at first, words dumbass, say words.

"Clayton! Funny, I used to have a dog named Clayton actually," and before I can continue the lie I'm shaking my head, "I don't know why I said that... my dog's name was Macie and she was adorable, I'm sorry, I'm bad at talking to people." Oh my God, shut up Andrew, just shut up! I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head again. "It's nice to meet you?" He stares at me for a minute and moves on, turning his attention back to Garrett.

"So are you ready for the movie then, babe?" I study Garrett's facials. He's smiling, but not really, interesting.

"Uh, yeah, sure." I squint my eyes, I knew something was wrong with Garrett, but I'd wait until he came back to ask, hopefully, he'd return alone. I watch as they leave, waving as Garrett shut the door behind him. I can't help but walk to the door, pressing my ear against it I can hear Garrett speaking although it is muffled, "babe?? What was that about??"

"What?? I was trying to see if he had a thing for you, good news, Gare, he does. Did you see the way he looked at you when I called you that??" I leap away from the door so fast I trip over the chair. I roll onto the floor, praying he hadn't just heard that.

He had. The door swung open quickly,

"Andrew??"

"Hmm??" I stand up quickly, straightening my shirt, "Oh hey, Garrett! What's up, man?"

"Are you okay? Did you just fall?" He looks concerned.

"Yeah! Yeah, no, yeah, I was just, I was, uh, dancing!" Really? Dancing? Seriously?? Dancing??? I bite my lip, nodding my head quickly, the look of disbelief quickly replacing the look of concern.

"Dancing? You were dancing?"

"Yep, yup, I sure was."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, man I dance a lot, it's..." Stop. Talking. Now. "Therapeutic."

"Well, have fun?"

"Thanks." It seems as though I had it handled, covered, managed even, and then I saluted.

"Andrew," he giggles, walking towards me, "did you hit your head when you fell? You're acting really weird."

"No, nope, no, I didn't, I didn't hit my head, this is just me man." I shrug my shoulders and pray our exchange would end soon. He stares at me and I swear it's like the world stops spinning completely, the butterflies return, and my hands start to sweat, "Ah, man, aren't you going to be late for your movie?"

"Yeah, actually," Clayton tugs on Garrett's arm, pulling him outside.

"Cool! Well, I'll see ya!" I make sure he's outside before shutting the door and instantly I collapse against it. "That did not just happen."

But it did, and I spend the rest of the night thinking about what Clayton said, that he could tell I had a thing for Garrett. I wished I could have seen the look on Garrett's face when he'd said that, but no, I'd heard it through a closed door and then flung myself into his chair, causing an even bigger scene then if I'd been there directly.

I fall asleep on the couch, the tv still on and remote in hand. I'd only been asleep for about an hour when Garrett came home, opening the door quietly.

"Andrew?" I can hear him walk towards me, it takes everything in me not to open my eyes. "Oh, Andrew, please wake up." He whines, shaking me gently.

This wouldn't work, I was awful at faking, and I knew I'd have to 'wake up'. I open my eyes slowly, as if not to make it to obvious that I'd already been awake.

"Garrett?"

"Oh, good, you're up!" He clasps his hands together, smiling.

"I am now," I smile awkwardly, desperately wishing to be back asleep so I wouldn't have another chance to embarrass myself. "How was the movie?"

"It was fine,"

"How's Clayton?"

"Fine."

We sit in silence for a bit and I wonder if he had a point in waking me up. Finally, I break the silence, "Did... did you want to talk to me about something?"

His blue eyes meet mine, and again, here come the butterflies. I try my best not to get flustered, avoiding eye contact as much as possible, but of course, he notices.

"Why do you do that?" He bites his lip, resting his hand on the top of my leg, immediately my entire body tenses up, and I hate it because he removes his hand almost immediately.

"Do what?"

"Nothing, I'm, I'm sorry for waking you, I'll let you sleep." He smiles as he stands, stuffing his hands deep down in his pockets.

"Wait, no, what's up?" I reach out to stop him but pull away as soon as he looks at me.

"Just something Clayton mentioned earlier about you,"

"About me?" I know exactly what he's talking about, but I play dumb.

"Yeah, he said... He said," I wait for him to say it, my heart racing in my chest. But he doesn't, instead, he just shakes his head again, "You know what, we can talk about this later, you look really tired." I nod my head quickly,

"You're right, I am really tired."

"Okay then, I'll let you get some sleep." I try not to look at him, he looks sad, and I hate it. I know what he wants to ask, and I can tell he's trying his hardest to hold back. He walks toward his bedroom slowly, as if he was waiting for me to say something.

"Goodnight, Garrett." He stops, turning his head to smile at me,

"Goodnight, Andrew."