Don't regret. (Finished)

I no longer belong here.

Brook's POV

I close the door behind me and look at the double bed in the middle of the room, it's not a luxury room but it's the only thing I found for the night. I don't remember when I grabbed my things, I don't remember when I called the taxi, I don't even remember the way until here. The only thing I remember is that I went to two hotels before this one and none had a place for me. I felt that everything was against me and that I would have to go home until I saw this broken hotel right at the end of the street, I wasn't sure to enter but my options were nil so now I'm here, leaving my suitcase on the floor and going to my temporary bed to sleep.

I really need to but I don't think I can do it, not after the last hours of my life.
I never imagined leaving the band, it never even crossed my mind and not for something like this. I was always happy in the band, I always thought it was the only thing I needed; be with the boys, make music, meet people, have a great success... but now I feel that all that changed. I feel that the only thing I need right now is to be fine because in the last few weeks what I was least doing was being well. And it hurts me to admit it but we really screw things up with Jack, we should never have been together.

I think that somehow it's not our
time, that if we were different people it could work but it's not the case. I rest my head on the pillows and start crying one more time, I feel my eyes so swollen, I never cry as much as I'm doing it right now. I wonder how Jack will feel with this because when I left him in the bathroom he was also crying, I had never seen Jack cry and it broke my heart to leave him like that but I had to. I couldn't be another second in that house, I needed to get away to think and take a real decision although I think it's already taken.

***

Two days have passed since I left the house, I continue in this hotel asking for food to the room and watching TV without stopping, I feel that I'm only delaying the inevitable so I decided that today is the day, I will talk with Blair and try to arrange an agreement to then go home with my family and start feeling good with myself. I take a quick shower and call Blair scared because I know this won't be easy, we argue for hours about why I should stay in the band and why I should not until finally he understands me.
I don't hear him very happy with my decision but he agrees anyway with the condition that I won't receive what we have earned in the last month and I can't do anything more that accept.

After that, I call my mom and tell her everything, crying again. She, as always, manages to reassure me but I need one of her hugs at this moment so I tell her that in a few days I will go home, I have to say goodbye to the guys first. I have to say goodbye to Jack.
I take my things slowly and keep them in my suitcase. I'm afraid to go home, I didn't know anything about any of them since I left, when I called Blair it was the first time I turned on the phone two days ago and I didn't even look if someone had called or sent me a message, I didn't want to do it.
The taxi parked at the entrance of the house, one of the biggest houses I had in my life, one of the houses that had already become my home, one of the houses that I am abandoning at this moment. I pay the taxi and I get off, I do everything as if I were a robot although I know I'm not because I can feel my heart beating hard in my chest, I wish I could be one. It's around 8 at night so I guess everyone is downstairs preparing something to eat. I enter the house and walk to the kitchen, leaving my suitcase at the entrance. Everyone gets up when they see me and the first one that approaches me is Andy, his face is of pure surprise and his mouth asks a million questions, I laugh without desire and I sit somewhere.

"I was in a hotel," I say, answering one of Andy's questions. "I have to tell you something important"
They all sit back in their chairs and I still don't look at Jack, I don't have the courage to do it.
"What's wrong?" Rye asks me.
"I'm leaving the band" I say and everyone remains silent. I watch them waiting for them to say something.
"I told them" I hear Jack's voice and my whole body reacts to it. I look at his face but he's not looking at me, he looks angry and makes something hurt in my chest.
"But it's something definitive, I spoke with Blair this afternoon and we reached an agreement"

When I say that Jack gets up from his seat and leaves the room without saying anything and without looking at me.
The rest begins to try to convince me to change my mind and I try to explain my reasons. We talk for hours until we all realize that this is done, that I no longer belong here.

Jack's POV

I walk from one side to the other in my room when I hear the taxi parked in front of the house, I know it's time for Brook to leave. I wanted to go talk to him last night, when he was arranging his things but I didn't have the courage to do it.
Since he left the house I couldn't stop thinking about what to do to make him stay and the only logical thing that occurred to me was to talk to him but after last night, when he told us about Blair I couldn't do it, I can't talk to Brook, I have nothing to say to him and I'm running out of time. I look out the window and see Brook hug the boys and my heart races with every second. Brook is leaving.

I run down the stairs and leave the house saying his name, he turns and confronts me.
"You don't have to do it," I say approaching.
"Yes, I have to do it Jack, you know it" I feel like a tear falls down my cheek when I realize that this is over.
"I love you Brook," I say. He caresses the side of my face and says goodbye.
"I love you Jack"