Wanderlust (Kellic)

Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - All of You

“I know exactly what you’re thinking, and I just want to say I fucked up.”

This is the phrase that I hear coming from Vic’s mouth when I wake up in the morning. At first I think he’s talking to me, but then Jaime replies, “What am I thinking, then? And, yes, you did fuck up.”

I close my eyes and pretend to still be asleep. From the quick glance that I caught, I saw Vic sitting on the bed and Jaime leaning against the closed bedroom door with his arms folded over his chest.

"You’re thinking that I’m stupid and weak and an asshole and that I just ruined my relationship," Vic says.

"Eh, close enough." I can hear Jaime sitting down in a beanbag chair. "I don’t think you’re an asshole."

"But you do think I’m stupid and weak and just ruined my relationship.”

"Well, frankly, yes. Because you went back to him."

Vic sighs. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking. It was just…he was there, Kellin wasn’t, I was drunk, he kissed me, I let him.”

"No, I understand that. I don’t think it was right, but I understand it. This is what I was trying to warn you about when this whole thing with Kellin started. You’re still not over Craig yet, are you?"

After a short pause, Vic says, “Not really.”

"But how do you feel about Kellin?"

Another short pause. “I think I might love him.”

Jaime doesn’t skip a beat, as if that phrase doesn’t affect him at all. “So are you going to try to fix things with him?”

"Yes," he says. "Try.”

Now I can hear Jaime standing up and heading for the door. “Just…don’t do it again,” he says. “Craig’s gone. Kellin isn’t.”

A few seconds after he leaves, closing the door behind him, I dare to open my eyes against the bright morning light. “Vic,” I say softly.

Vic turns to me, startled. “How much did you hear?”

"Uh…a lot."

His expression softens, but I can still see the pain that it conveys. “Kellin…”

"Why’d you do it?"

I don’t mean to let the words out. They just stumble past my lips without my permission, and I can’t take them back.

"Baby, I’m sorry," he whispers, putting a hand on my arm. I can’t help but flinch at his touch, and he takes the hint and moves away.

"Did you think it wouldn’t matter?" I ask, hating myself for the way my voice cracks. "Didn’t you care? Did you just forget about me?"

"Baby, Kellin, no," he says. "I wasn’t thinking at all. He was just there, and he pulled me in, and he was talking to me, and I bought every word he said, and I had so many shots I couldn’t count them on just two hands, and I wanted to move away and go back to you but then there was this part of me that still missed him and wanted to stay, and then he was kissing me and I couldn’t think straight, damn it! But now I’m sober and I wish I could take it back. I swear to you, I wish I could take it back. I don’t want to lose you.”

It hurts to hear the regret in his voice. Still, I have to ask: “What happened between you and Craig?”

He bites his lip. Normally I wouldn’t ask a question like this, but I need to know. I need to understand what made him do what he did.