Friends with Benefits | Joanne

10- The Morning After

Joe laid awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but sleep had evaded him all night.

Dianne had left after.He had watched as she had pulled on black underwear, tight jeans and the t-shirt that had been scattered around his bedroom floor. She had gathered her bag and shoes and walked to the door.

"I'll see myself out" she had said, her pupils dark in the dim light. "I'll see you in the morning."

Joe had wanted to walk her downstairs, to say goodbye. To say anything. But he had not moved. He had not moved all night. His brain cycled through the same anxious thoughts and unanswered questions.

What had just happened? How had they got to this place?

His worry brought forward images of the professional contract he had signed just weeks before; the professional contract which he had not read. The professional contract he hoped did not mention anything about sleeping with your dance partner.

"Shit."

He had to get ready. Get ready to go and dance with the woman he now knew more intimately that he had ever expected to. He would have to hold her, place his hands gently where they had roamed last night. He would have to listen to her speak, watch her move, knowing how she had moaned and writhed underneath him just hours before.

Being close to her now was going to be strange. They had made an agreement and Joe remained sure that there was nothing more than friendship between them.

Friendship.

Joe groaned and leaned back into his pillow.

Could either of them be sure that their friendship hadn't been completely ruined?

///

Joe's anxious thoughts didn't stop when he got into the dance studio.

Dianne was already there, warming up in the centre of the room, as he walked through the double doors. His eyes met hers and he gulped. There was a few moments of tension, neither of them really knowing what to say. Joe finally took a deep breath and walked towards her.

"Morning" he said, quieter than had had expected to. "Did... did you get home ok?"

Dianne nodded, "yeah, all good...", silence hung in the air between them for a moment, "... are you ready to dance?"

It was clear Dianne wasn't ready for a conversation. Joe was thankful, but still worried that they had lost their spark overnight.

They ran through the routine twice, both trying not to look at one another in the mirror.

"Left foot". Dianne corrected him with a sharp tone. "You should know this by now."

Joe ran his hand across the back of his neck and lowered his head. "Yeah... sorry."

"Come on. Again". Dianne re-started the track and got back in position.

Half way through the number, Joe stumbled. "Carry on", Dianne instructed. Joe nodded and clambered to his feet, trying to listen for his next cue to get back into the routine.

"Kick, kick, kick, step".

Joe stopped.

"You missed it. You've never messed that bit up before."

From her voice, Joe couldn't tell if Dianne was angry, upset or confused.

He shook his head, looking at the floor. "Sorry. I.... I'm not..."

Dianne's expression softened as she walked closer to him. "Did you sleep. After I left?"

Joe shook his head again, before looking up to meet her gaze. "No. Did you?" Dianne shrugged.

"I tried."

The track was still playing, the loud beats filling the room. Walking quickly to the sound system, Dianne disconnected her phone and stopped the song.

"I think we need to talk about yesterday. I don't want it to ruin this. We had a good thing going."

Joe laughed softly. "Yeah. But... maybe not here? I think I could do with some air."

"Shall we take a walk? There's a park not far away."

///

"You know, when I first came to London- a few years before I moved here- I had no idea that you could go in any of the parks. I walked past St James' park once, on my way to Buckingham Palace, and I saw a sign that called it a Royal Park. I thought that meant it was only for, like, the royal family and the Queen and stuff. I thought it was like a big garden for them."

Joe laughed. "When did you figure out you could go inside?"

"About six months ago." Dianne admitted with a smile.

Joe sighed loudly. "I'm glad you suggested this."

"Suggested what?" Dianne walked next to him, their arms occasionally brushing as they meandered slowly down a well-trodden path.

"This. The park. It's nice." He looked up. "I miss living in the countryside sometimes. But I like that you can still look up and see leaves and clouds and birds. Reminds me I'm never too far from home."

"Never."

They walked in silence for a few steps, both absorbing the moment and thinking carefully about what to say next.

Joe broke the silence. "I guess we should talk about last night."

"Probably should", Dianne said softly. "I mean, it was a stupid idea. It was never going to work."

"I don't want things to be weird between us" Joe confessed, "but I feel like they're already weird."

"Exactly. You're such a great friend and we clearly get on great; maybe we should just leave it at that?"

"Definitely."

///

I felt relief flood my body. I had been so tense since last night; which was the complete opposite of what we had both expected to get out of our... activities. Things had definitely changed between us, and it felt weird.

I was trying too hard not to come across as if I wanted more from Joe. I didn't- he's a great guy and he's attractive (and, as I know now, great between the sheets), but I ended a relationship less than two weeks ago. I mean, things hadn't been rosy between us for around a month before that but, officially, I had only been single for a fortnight. I didn't want Joe to worry that he was my 'rebound', or that I was somehow using him to get over Ant.

"I think we both need to remember to focus our energy on dance first. Our friendship, regardless of whatever happened last night, is still really important, but we have a competition to think about and- I don't know about you- but I want to get as far as I can. With you."

Joe put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead.

"Definitely."

"So we forget last night? Call it a mistake and move on?" I asked, hoping I knew what Joe would say.

"Absolutely. Now, let's get back into that studio. It's been great chatting and everything, but I need to make sure I don't trip over my own feet on live television."

I laughed. Loudly.

"And we're back to normal" I said, hoping Joe understood what I meant without me having to go down some long, winding metaphor about the universe and forces and things clicking into place. "Come on, partner. Let's get back to it."