Into the Crowd. ✔

CHAPTER 4

Beep, beep, beep….

I swear I hear voices laced with  familiarity. They felt as close as a whisper in my ear. I try again to fight the darkness, to open my eyes and see. Please, I want to wake up! I need this nightmare to end! The voices stopped. Whispers. I felt it. Something, someone is holding my hand. A tiny fragile hand in mine. Open up!

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“Mommy?” Everyone quieted down as both silence and anticipation filled the room's very outer edges. Both Vicky and I jumped up at Taylor’s soft voice reaching out to her mother. Vicky and Taylor stumbles in front of me as I stepped back to give them
some space. What should I do? Dammit. I was trying to act brave for the past few hours and now, now that I know she opened her eyes I got choked up. Instead I decide to hide in the shadows of the room. I slowly walked backwards until my back hits the door with a thump.
“Oh mommy I am so happy you are awake… I missed you!” Taylor launches her small body at Maddie and she accepted the embrace with a small grunt and a few coughs.
“W-w where I am I-I?” her faint voice sends a million cold shivers down my spine. Her voice was soft, raw and exhorted. Just as tender as I remember.
“You’re in St. Lucas Memorial Hospital. Do you remember what happened?” Vicky fired out some questions and I could only manage to listen, not wanting to make myself known just yet.
“I-I think s-s-so…” Vicky reached out and brushed away the hair in Maddie’s face and let her take two big sips from the straw in a cup beside the bed.
“How long have I been here?” Her voice was barely a whisper as I stood there like a frozen statue.
“About twelve hours, you were sleeping the whole day.” Maddie tries to sit up and in the end only manages to feel the bandage covering her head.
“Aaah! It feels like my head is about to explode.”
“It’s going to hurt a bit, you hit your head very hard.”
“It feels like it. Taylor honey, how are you?” She hasn’t noticed me at all and none of them mentioned my presence in the room as I continue to stand guard by the door with my hand on the handle. So I did a stupid thing and stepped out of the room quietly, but they seem to notice as the light fills the room when I opened the door and close it behind me. A few minutes pass as I heard muffled voices inside. People walked up and down the corridor as I excused myself away from the room into the restrooms and planted myself in front of a mirror. I splashed my face with cold water feeling the coolness of the water dripping down my forehead and cheeks. My eyes looks bloodshot and my cheeks are flushed a pale pink. I didn’t know what to do in there. I don’t know if I am capable of controlling myself with the urge to run to her like nothing ever happened. I felt like that fourteen year old again, scared and alone.I have wished for her for ten years, now that I finally have her back? I’m scared. Scared to death that she would hate me, dislike me, never able to love me again. I missed her touch, her scent and the pull she had on my heart. I wanted it back, wanted the old her. Now I am asking myself, would I be able to love the new her?
Would she still give that smile that would stop a freight train? Would she still have that adorable snort as she laughs at one of my many bad jokes? Would she still bite her lip when she’s nervous? Would she ever ask me to sing to her again? Now I am hiding in bathroom, being a coward. Fighting myself. Fighting my uncertainties. I
gave myself one last hard look in the mirror. My reflection crying back at me to do something, but all I got was a miserable man looking back at me. Minutes pass as I rest against the wall in front of her room. The voices inside still going strong, never letting up on whatever they are talking about. I can’t go back in, not yet anyway. Alissa came strolling down the corridor, her hair pulled away from her face. I’m happy I’m not the only one tired after a long day and from the looks of her I guess she just pulled a double shift.
“Hey there Mr. Famous. How are you holding up?” she collapsed next to me, her back hitting the wall behind her.
“Just peachy thanks.” I kept my eyes on the door on the other side.
“And you’re out here, why? I thought she woke up?”
“Just giving her a minute with her daughter and cousin.” I said. Badly wanted to shout to the world that Taylor’s mine as well, but this is not the time nor the place to talk about it to a stranger.
“Have you talked to her yet?” she asked following my line of vision.
“Nope.”
“You should go back in, it all will work out for the best.” She leaps forward on her toes and give me one last smile before she disappeared again. My legs feels weak holding up my body weight as I just stood there, unmoving against the wall. My body too tired to do anything else. The door opens and out comes Vicky and Taylor. She is holding Taylor’s hand firmly in hers as my little girl hides behind her Aunt Vicky’s body again. Shielding my view to look at my daughter’s face, I caught Vicky’s eyes, hers was almost as red as mine, a small smile tugging on her face. I moved forward embracing her in a small hug, bringing Taylor with me as well. Both of them accepted my short embrace before I pulled back and looked at them both staring at me with their identical eyes. I knelt down in front of Taylor searching her face until the same emerald eyes meets mine.
“Are you okay sweaty?” I asked Taylor.
“I just want to go home, I am tired.” I looked up at Vicky.
“I should probably get her back home, she hardly slept last night and she’s been on her feet most of the day.”
“Okay.” I muttered.
“Josh, she’s still awake of you want to talk to her. She wants to see you.”
“She does?” she hesitated only a moment then managed a small nod, her hand gripping at Taylor’s.
“Say goodnight to Josh honey.”
“Night Josh.” No daddy this time?
“Goodnight Taylor. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?” I looked at Vicky for an answer.
“We’ll come by.”
“Okay.”
“Oh here Josh, take my card and give me a call if anything happens okay?” she dugs into her purse and pulled out one of her cards and hands it to me with a shaking hand. What is going on?
“Thanks you. Sweet dreams little Vicky.” With that they turned around and slowly marched towards the elevators. I felt the loss of their presence immediately. They kept me sane the past hour of so since they’ve been here. Now for the first time in about an hour I felt the loneliness creeping back in. For what felt like a hundred years I only stared at the walls with the door merely a step away from me. I can do this. This is it. It’s just me and the music now. Everything else will fade…