The Tattoo // Joshler AU

Chapter Sixteen

Josh's POV

"Yes."

My throat locked up and my hands were shaking. It was as if the walls of the small coffee shop were closing in on me, trapping me in my own personal hell.

The small crowd that had gathered cheered and sighed contentedly at the romantic display being put on my the newly-engaged couple, whereas all I could think about was leaving.

My feet carried me to the door, and took me down the street, far away from the place where the small pieces of my heart remained, still clutched in the fist that now was decorated by a ring.

Jenna's ring. Tyler's finger. Jenna and Tyler. Tyler. My Tyler. He was even further away from me now.

A single tear dripped down my flushed cheeks as I looked around wildly, desperately trying to find a way to stop the feeling of my whole world crashing down around me.

Cars whizzed past, and regular, everyday life people who probably had soulmates waiting for them at home kept walking, unaware of the pain I was feeling. Continuing on in their daily lives. Something that I would never be able to do.

Why would he say yes? Why, Tyler, why would you do this to me? Jenna treats him so badly, but I'm so good to him. It isn't fair, that she gets to hold him, to touch him, to tell him how much she loves him.

I just wanted to scream in the middle of the street, to cry until my throat was hoarse, to show people how heartbroken I was. People looked at me, mostly in concern, as I had began to cry properly, pouring out my anger in the tears that blurred my vision.

I tried to lift my hand to wipe away the traces of hurt, but I physically couldn't do it. My hands were tied in restraints and boulders were trapped to my ankles. Nothing had ever hurt this much.

I was distraught, but at the same time, I was angry, angry at how things had turned out. I would hold him properly. I would love him, and tell him how beautiful he is, every day, whether he was with me or not. I wouldn't shout over such trivial things, I would tell him how much he means to me.

He means the world to me. He's my sun, my moon, and his eyes are my stars. He's my everything.

"Josh? Josh!" It was Debby.

A small hand yanked me away from what had been a massive incoming truck, which would have lead to my death. I wasn't thinking straight. Or maybe I was. I'm going to die anyway, why postpone it and deal with the pain a moment longer?

"What is wrong with you? You could have been killed! Do you know how terrifying that was? Do you know that you could have died? I would have seen my best friend die, do you not realize that? Were you trying to get yourself killed, Josh?" She was fuming, and without even realizing it, I burst right back into tears.

"Josh, what's wrong? Babe, what's wrong, come on, it can't be that bad.." I almost chuckled with the irony. Little did she know... Spencer hadn't gone and proposed to some other girl. She'd never know the pain I was feeling. She didn't know, she didn't know at all.

"Josh?" Her voice had dropped to a whisper. I'd scared her. Immediately feeling bad, I choked out the words that I had never wanted to say or hear.

"He's engaged. Jenna proposed and he said yes. He's the love of my life, and he's engaged to someone else. Someone who doesn't care! Someone who yells at him and doesn't tell him that she loves him!" Debby smiled sadly, rubbing small circles into my hand with her thumb.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything? Are you happy for them? Of course you are, but now you have to deal with my issues! Well, I'm sorry for bothering you with my problems, seeing as you obviously don't care enough to talk to me about them! Alright then, Debby, bye. I'm going, and don't expect me to be happy if you talk to me, because, frankly, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me and you are standing there, silent, not even caring enough to try and help me through it! Some friend you are."

Not wanting to hear anything that she might have to say, I stormed off, wanting to clear my head. I didn't care that I had been unfair. I didn't care that she was in almost as much shock as I was. I honestly didn't care.

I just couldn't stop my brain from rushing. Why her, Tyler? You could have been with me, but you're with her instead. Now, the times that I wanted to work up the courage to tell him, to truly tell him how I felt, but never did, were my only real regrets.

That I would never get to tell him how much he meant to me. How he was my first thought when I woke up, and my last when I went to sleep. How even thoughts of him instantly brightened up my day, how seeing him in person put a smile on my face every time. I'd never get to tell him how my heart raced every time we touched, even by accident.

I regretted everything I'd never get to say.

My phone buzzed, displaying three messages and five missed calls, all from Debby. I locked my phone and shoved it back into my pocket, not wanting to talk about how the love of my life was getting married.

He was getting married to someone else. Someone that wasn't me.

I turned into one of the smaller streets and instantly regretted it. It was where Tyler worked. Where we'd first met. Where I'd started to fall in love with him, one small piece of me at a time.

Now, he owned all of them. He didn't even know it, which made it all the more painful.

"Josh?" Brendon. Ugh. The cocky asshole strutted up to me, a smug smirk plastered onto his attractive face. Just what I needed, Brendon Urie here to amplify how much my life sucks.

"How's Tyler?" I gasped inaudibly, both at the light but wicked tone and the cruel look in his eyes. He knew. How did he know? Honestly, at this point I didn't even care, I just had to get away. His smile grew at my obvious discomfort and the way that my lip was trembling.

"Fuck you." I stalked off, tired of him, his presence even. It's really going to happen. I'm going to turn 25 without a soulmate. I'm going to die. I am going to die unhappy, alone and heartbroken.

I knew this would happen, I've known it all along.

I've given up. It's not going to work, ever. He's getting married, he has his soulmate. I'm just some nobody that means nothing to him, one person in the chaos that people call the world.

Why me? I'm a good person, I haven't done anything wrong!

I was past crying at that point. I just walked to my apartment, resigned to my broken and empty fate. My life was ending, and I had to make the next few months as enjoyable as possible. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I could try and live well.

As well as possible, considering that Tyler wouldn't and would never be by my side. I'd never hold him like he holds my shattered heart, like how Jenna holds him like putty in her hands.

"I'm done." And I was. I was done with everything, with the unfairness of it all, with the realization that it was all over, that I'd never have kids, never have a real job, never get married, never find my soulmate, and never grow old, never grow old with him.

I was done with love, with emotions, with my own mind.

I was done with the goddamn tattoo.