The Tattoo // Joshler AU

Chapter Twenty Four

Josh's POV

"Tyler thought he saw you today," Debby's tone was somewhat accusatory, and I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. A lump stuck in my throat, making it harder for me to breathe. The walls seemed to be closing in on me, confining me to my thoughts.

Tyler probably had seen me, considering I'd walked past his work pretty much every day that week, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person that I'd been so blatantly ignoring otherwise. And I definitely had been ignoring him. No texts, no phone calls, no letters, telegrams, emails, no contact whatsoever.

Cutting him out completely was meant to make it easier. Out of sight, out of mind.

Sometimes, Debby tried to argue with me. She'd tell me that maybe Tyler wasn't my soulmate, that I had to just keep looking. But, with him, it wasn't like that. People say that, when you meet your soulmate, you know. That was what it was like; I just...knew.

I felt awful, obviously I did. There were nights when all I wanted to do was cry, and call Tyler, and tell him how much he meant to me, and how awful I felt about everything. Then I would remember him with Jenna, and how in love they were, and how I couldn't end that. I didn't have it in me.

"Stop, Debby. Just stop. I don't know if he did, and I don't care. He's happy, okay? I know that, and I'm not going to do anything that might affect his happiness." The last few gut-wrenching words flew out of my mouth, and my shoulders slumped in defeat. Sensing my mood, she scooted over and wrapped me in her arms.

The couch in her living room was comfortable, and the television in the background drowned out the street noise. The arms around me were strong but gentle, enveloping me in a blanket of serene warmth. Moving slowly, Debby turned to the speaker on the floor and put on a random playlist of hers, filling her room with soft notes and a breathy voice.

"I just want what's best for you both. I look at you right now and I know that it's slowly killing you, and don't even start on how it will physically kill you, I'm talking about the fact that you barely leave your house, or maybe mine, in this case. I can see it in your face, in the dark circles under your eyes and your messy hair. You've given up, and that is not the Josh that I know, and you know that. So get up off your lazy butt, and do something about it, for God's sake!" Her blush-stained cheeks were even redder than they had been before, possibly due to her not pausing for breath in her little repertoire.

Despite my little sarcastic inner monologue, her words resonated deeply in my brain. I knew she was right; it was obvious. I couldn't think of anything to even attempt to live for without Tyler, without his laugh, his smile, without him.

It hurt too much.

I just wanted it all to end. The pain, the hurt, the daily going through life, pretending nothing was wrong.

I had 55 days. That was it.

Then I would leave Debby and Claire and Spencer, and everyone I loved behind, leave everything behind. I just had to make it through those 55 days.

"Josh. Please, just answer me this. Are you sure it's him? I know how you feel about him, but are you sure?"

My head spun. Was I sure? I didn't know. It was how everyone else said it would be. I couldn't stop thinking about him, I would do anything for him, he made me feel happy, and wanted. He had become almost an obsession. The only thing that was wrong was the fact that he didn't feel the same way.

"As much as it hurts that it isn't reciprocated, yes, I am sure about him. I adore him, in every possible way. He's constantly on my mind, no matter what I'm doing. I see him everywhere, in everything, so much that it causes physical pain. I love him, I'm in love with him, but I'll never feel what it's like for him to say he loves me, because he doesn't. He loves her. Not me. He doesn't love me...He won't ever-"

"Debby? Can we come in now? Please?" Debby jumped up suddenly, dislodging me from her arms in the process, and practically sprinted to the door. It opened to reveal two very tall figures, going by the names of Gerard and Frank. The shorter of the two had his hand around the other's waist, pulling him into the small hallway.

"I am so sorry, oh my God, Josh came over unexpectedly and I completely forgot." Frank's giggle reverberated around the room, and I couldn't help but join in at the horrified look on Debby's face. I beckoned for the couple to sit down next to me, and they did so, with Gerard pulling his soulmate into his chest.

"Nice to know we're so easily forgotten, Deb," quipped Gerard, a grin on his face. After receiving a slight punch on the shoulder from Debby for his troubles, he turned to Frank for a kiss. I slumped a bit at their couple-ness

"So, you had something you needed to tell me?" I could sense that something was wrong, from the way Frank shifted uncomfortably in his seat, to the way that Gerard attempted to signal to Debby that he didn't want to talk about it. My head flicked back and forth between my friends as I tried to figure out what was going on, and why they felt that they couldn't talk about it in front of me.

Had I done something? Had I accidentally offended one of them, or maybe even Debby? What had I done? I really couldn't afford to have any of them mad at me, they were basically all I had left, since I was completely ignoring Tyler. Tyler! Was it about him? Oh God, it probably was.

"Is it anything to do with..." I couldn't finish the sentence, forgetting how much it hurt to even say his name. But everyone seemed to understand just who I was talking about. The slight silence coming from the two other guys only confirmed my suspicions. Fear pulsed through my veins; was he okay? Had he been hurt? Was it serious? If it was, and I wasn't talking to him, I would never have been able to forgive myself.

"Yeah, it is. I-I don't really know how to tell you this, Josh. Tyler, he, um, well," Frank arm snaked around his boyfriend for comfort, and Gerard seemed to take a deep breath before continuing.

"She hit him." Initially, I only sat there, attempting to process what I'd been told. Jenna hit him? But he loved her, more than anything, what reason would she have to do something like this!

"Josh." They probably sensed my oncoming reaction.

My hands curled up into fists, matching my clenched jaw. Rage rose from my stomach and poured out of my mouth in a torrent of words.

"How dare she? Who does that bitch even think she is? Why? Why did she hit him? In what world could she have possibly thought that she had the right to hit anyone, let alone someone like Tyler, who loves her unconditionally? How bad is it? Is Tyler okay?" Debby took one of my hands and gently opened it, rubbing the palm of my hand whilst she did it.

"He's shaken up, but okay. He's got a bit of a bruise around his eye, but that's all. From what he told me, Jenna came home drunk real late, and was messing around, and when Tyler tried to convince her to calm down and just go to bed, she just freaked on him." The horror in his voice as he explained was evident, and I couldn't blame him; the very notion that someone would do that must have been unthinkable to someone as kind as him. Shit, it was nearly inconceivable to me.

"Where is Tyler now?" I got the answer I was dreading from their silence. He was with her. With that, I broke. Tears flowed from my eyes, creating glistening tracks on my cheeks. Sobs wracked my chest, and I could barely hear Debby's soothing words over my gasping breaths. My hands shaking, I pulled out my phone, and clicked on the one contact I'd been ignoring for weeks.

To: Ty
I'm sorry. Please.
- Josh

A/N: sorry for not updating yesterday. like i've said, i've had a bit of writers block, but i have the next few chapters all planned out so don't worry about that. bye for now lovebugs, and thanks for reading!

~ b.c.