galileo figaro magnifico ➳ ben hardy [1]

real life

theodosia lay in bed, staring at the wall, unable to move. she hadn't felt like this for a good week, thinking she had been making progress, but here she was, everything crashing down all over again. she felt this overwhelming sense of worthlessness and utter disgust taking over her entire body. she didn't know what time it was or how long it had been since her alarm went off, but she knew they were probably waiting for her on set. sighing, she mustered just enough motivation to roll over in bed, turning to look out the window.
soon enough, she heard the front door open, timothée using his key to get in. coming into her bedroom, a deep frown formed on his face. "you're still in bed," he stated softly. "theo, peach, i thought you were doing better. you were due on set half an hour ago."
"i can't do it today, tim." her voice was void of any emotion, barely heard, breaking his heart.
he recognised the tone all too well, it having been the way she had been speaking the past few days.
taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he gently rested his hand on her shoulder, rubbing small circles. this is where most of her progress lay: in allowing herself to be touched. "need to take a step back?"
she nodded. "i'm just... i need to power off for today. i really just can't force myself to do it."
"i'll call the director, she'll understand. do you need me to get anything?"
"bottle of water, i suppose. and - and help me up so i can use the restroom?"
he nodded, helping her to stand, taking in her appearance fully. he noticed that she was in fact looking thinner like the comments on the post had said, as well as exhausted entirely. he knew, of course, that the trauma of what happened to her was hitting her hard, mixing itself with her stress over filming and writing into a depressive molotov cocktail.
heading out to the kitchen, tim heard a knock coming from the door, opening without looking through the peephole, expecting it to be ansel or dove. "oh! ben, hi," he greeted, shocked to see the blond man.
"tim, hey," he greeted back, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder. "she's here, yeah?"
"uh, yeah man, just, uh, she's just not her usual self today."
"what do you mean?"
as tim gave the simplest explanation he could without revealing too much, theo had crawled back into bed, resuming staring at the wall. she tried to think of ben and all they would do next week but the intrusive thought still came, the replay of what happened her shaking her to the core. she closed her eyes, taking deep, slow breaths, preemptively working to calm a bubbling anxiety attack.
she opened her eyes when she heard the creak of her bedroom door, breath freezing in her throat as she laid eyes on one very concerned ben hardy. he walked to her slowly, wordlessly kicking off his shoes and crawling into bed with her. "hey," he whispered.
"you're early," she replied, voice cracking. she wanted to scream, for she never wanted ben to see her like this. she made a mental note to scold tim later for letting him in, knowing damn well she wasn't in a good head space.
"i wanted to surprise you. i went to set but neither your nor tim were there so neelam directed me here. what's going on, love?"
reaching in between them, theo took hold of one of his hands, fidgeting with his fingers. she avoided eye contact as she managed, "it's not been a good time. i'm not okay, and i haven't been for a long while now. i just - i never wanted you to see me like this ever." tears began to run down her cheeks and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her, smoothing her knotted hair as he pressed his mouth to her hairline. there was a flash of panic through her body before she reminded herself who it was, shaking her head at herself mentally. "i don't understand why this is happening to me, but it is, and i feel so horrible. i feel like everything i do is pointless, because what does anything matter when we're all going to die anyways? what is the point to any of life? everything just hurts but i don't know how to make it stop other than to give in until it hopefully goes away."
"and i'll stay here with you in bed until it does go away." theo tried to cry out a plea for him not to but he stopped her, pressing his index softly to her lips, an unpleasant shiver running down her body. "theodosia amethyst siano, when i asked you to be my significant other, i asked for all of you. i asked, not just for good days, but for bad days, as well, and everything in between. let me be here for you. let me comfort you in times of duress and let me cheer with you on days of great joy. you're the one for me, theo, all of you. just let me in. let me be here, i'm begging. stop blocking me out, love."
her throat grew tight as she nodded in reply, allowing him to engulf her entirely as she invited him into her world of pain and sorrow.