TJ's POV:
Days passed, neither Cyrus or I mentioned what happened at the party. We continued doing the usual, homework at the library or over the phone. And if there was no math homework, we'd still do other work together because we enjoyed each other's company. But not talking about the incident felt like a weight on my shoulders.
But I have to tell him eventually, if I don't then I'll just continue overthinking, being anxious, sleep deprived.
Then who knows what'll happen to me.
I have to get over him. I'm already attached to him and it'll only hurt more if I wait to tell him. After he calls me a faggot and cuts me out of his life-it'll be easier to get over him.
I didn't tell Amber though. I know she would somehow talk me out of it by reminding me of how much I'm losing. She doesn't think Cyrus is a bad person and I don't either but you can never be too sure. Both Amber and I thought mason was a good person.
The next school day I walked straight to Cyrus' locker. Nervous, but confident. Ready for any names he was about to call me, ready for one of the nicest things I have in my life to walk right out. But I have to do it, I have to do it before I get too attached.
As I turned the corner I see him slam his locker shut. Something falls out, then he walked away to lunch I'm guessing. Once he was out of sight I walk over to pick up what fell out- it was a ball of paper. I open it up and almost immediately rip it up into pieces after reading what was on it.
Cyrus's POV:
I never told Buffy and Andi what happened at the party, they already think he likes me. And if they knew about that then they'd force him to talk to me about it.
I wanted to talk to Tj so bad about it though, the pages in my notebook started to become more and more about him than anything else.
Earlier today, while I was hiding under the bleachers in gym like I usually do-I brought my notebook. I told myself that I wouldn't write about Tj anymore for a while. And I tried so hard to write about anything else. Like how I'm dealing with my Bubbe's death for example, but it would always trail back to Tj. I would say I miss her and how I wish I came out to her when I had the chance, but then it would trail to wishing I told her about Tj. If I tried writing about my parents I'd end up writing about how they would react if Tj and I started going out. If I wrote about Andi or Buffy it'd end up being about how they think Tj likes me. Or even if I wrote about food I'd end up writing about that time Tj came over and stayed for dinner.
Frustrated, I decided to write a whole page- only about Tj. Just to get it all out, then I won't write about him anymore.
I wrote everything, I wrote about how he makes me happy, how he's different from Jonah, how he has such a nice smile, how he's so caring towards others. And how I hate myself for having crush on him.
He needs me, he always seems so happy when he's around me, I help him with math, he asks to hang out often to avoid his parents, I make sure he's okay. He hasn't opened up a lot, but I hope eventually does.
But if I told him I liked him, it'd just drive him away. Then who would he confide in? Who would he hang out with? Who would help him with math?
Coach blew his whistle signifying that it was time to go to the locker rooms to change. I got dressed back into my normal clothes then headed to my locker to get my lunch. But I was angry at myself, I wish I could tell Tj how I felt, but here I am just filling up my notebook with all the words I want to tell him instead. I rip out the page from my notebook, crumbled it up and threw it into my locker before shutting it. Then I just headed to lunch trying to calm down so no one would ask questions.
Tj never showed up to lunch.
The whole period I kept looking over to the entryway. "He's not coming Cyrus" Buffy tells me. "So where is he!" I complain. "He probably just went to tutoring and didn't have the chance to tell you" she shrugs. I know I shouldn't get so worked up over simple things like this, but I haven't seen him all day.
He was in math afterwards-but he didn't say hi, he didn't even look at me. Did I do something wrong? Did something happen?
Math was excruciatingly long. I never wanted a class to end so quickly. As soon as the bell rang I bolted to the front of the room before Tj could leave.
"Are you okay?" I ask Tj standing in front of him, having to look up at him because of our height difference. He shrugs before saying "Doesn't matter" and walking off- hitting me in the shoulder. I was hurt, he never acts like this. He doesn't tell me what's wrong but he knows I care. He knows I will constantly ask if he's okay.
I ran after him, pulling his shoulder to stop him and face me. "Tj please talk to me" I plead. He had an unreadable expression. "Just leave me alone" he mumbles before walking off again.
