Trepidation

Chapter 9: Mayflowers and Twitter

It had been a mere half an hour since my whole world came crashing down, but it felt like decades had passed.

My fingers repetitively tapped the dial button, trying desperately to get ahold of parents.

On about the 15th ring my mom was the one to pick up. "Jihye what's wrong? It's hard to find service right now-"

I cut her off. "Am I adopted?"

The line went quiet for a moment and her voice returned in a much more calculated manner. "Why would you be adopted? You came out of my vagina."

"The Sydney orphanage contacted me saying there was an error in my adoption form."

I rapidly blinked away my tears, clinging to the hope that maybe they had contacted the wrong Song Jihye, that she would laugh it off and tell me I was being stupid.

I heard her sigh, and I imagined the woman chewing on her freshly painted red lacquered nails, thinking over her next words carefully.

"Can we talk about this when we get home?"

I could feel the salty liquid began to trail down my face, as she basically confirmed what I had been told.

"No, you need to tell me now, I deserve this much."

Another pause ensued, and I was just about to hang up when she began to speak. "I was never able to have children. So me and your father traveled from Canberra to Sydney in hopes of finding a new addition to our family."

I felt her voice waver as she continued to talk. "We saw so many cute little babies, abandoned by their parents and sent to live at the orphanage but you stood out. You had these eyes. These soft, warm blue eyes and we immediately knew you were the one."

"But my eyes aren't blue?"

"Your eye colour changed when you were 3, the doctor said it as possible but uncommon. We couldn't tell you, you were adopted because we thought you might not handle it well."

I let out a bitter laugh. "Well, you were right about that one."

"I have to go now, but remember your father and I love you, whether your blood related or not."

The line went dead, and my body began to convulse as I sobbed.

I think that was the first time she said she loved me since I was 10. Honestly, it was overwhelming to find out that I was adopted, but I realized that fact shouldn't change anything.

Those two had still raised me into the person, I am today and for the sake of getting over this, I had to believe that being the owner of the love of my overbearing mother and gentle father was enough.

But as I fell asleep on my tear stained pillow, I couldn't quite describe the way my heart twisted.

I woke up the next morning with puffy eyes and blotchy skin. After covering up the noticeable spots with a little makeup, I trudged down the stairs feeling kind of empty.