the outsiders imagines

forgive and let go - steve

pairing: none

warning: none

summary: steve learns to forgive his father after 22 years

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It wasn't until Steve became a father that he forgave his own.

When Steve looked down at his arms, he still saw the scars. He saw the aftermath of countless beatings, the evidence apparent across his skin. When he went to bed at night, he felt the emotions. He felt scared, desperate, unloved. When he looked at his own son, he saw himself. A young, excited boy, who had no idea what life could throw at him.

In many ways, Steve's son Julian was exactly like Steve. They had the same chestnut brown hair, soft-spoken voice, and passion for anything athletic. They were both good at math, and enjoyed playing cards way past their bedtimes. They liked the same movies, same books, same music. But the one similarity Steve absolutely hated was that neither of them grew up with their mothers.

Evie had passed away when Julian was still a toddler. She'd gotten cancer, discovered too late, and Steve was forced to say goodbye to yet another woman that he loved dearly. Since then, Steve raised his son by himself, with the help of his friends. Even with all of the support, Steve wished he had his girl, the love of his life, by his side. And by Julian's side.

When Julian was 15, he came to Steve and asked him a question he'd hope would never come up.

"Hey Dad, how come I don't have any grandparents?"

Steve froze when he heard the question. He'd been in the middle of whipping up some breakfast for the two of them, eggs and toast like they had every morning. At the mere mention of his parents, Steve was thrown back into the old days, days when he sometimes questioned if he'd ever reach adulthood in one piece.

Steve turned to look at his son. He couldn't deny that Julian's emerald green eyes were exactly like his father's. That's when Steve knew that he couldn't keep this secret any longer.

"Well, Jules...." Steve looked out the window and into the yard. Their German Shepard, Cade, was in the yard digging in the garden. "Your grandmother died when I was real young."

"And your father?"

Steve had to force himself to answer. "Still alive, in Tulsa."

The truth was that Steve had moved out of Tulsa at 18 and never looked back. He'd left his friends and life there, only accompanied by Evie, and moved to Oklahoma City. There, Steve started his own automobile repair business, which was extremely successful. The only news he ever heard about his father was through Sodapop, who called Steve and Evie every weekend and came to visit every other.

"I wanna meet him, Dad."

——

And that was how Steve ended up back in his childhood town, at the age of 40, with a 15 year old son. Even though he'd left 22 years ago with no intention of coming back, here he was, standing in front of his childhood hellhole. The house was almost exactly the same as Steve remembered, except that the metal railing of the stairs was rustier and the paint a whole lot paler. Memories came rushing back to him, bombarding him like bullets as he stared at his old house.

"Dad...we don't have to meet him if you don't want to," Julian whispered. Steve looked at him. He'd explained to Julian why he left Tulsa, and why his relationship with his father was so tattered. Julian knew the horrors that his dad faced as a child - horrors that his dad never wanted to relive or remember. Horrors that still haunted him at night, in his dreams.

"You know, Jules," Steve breathed, "If there's one thing your mother always told me, it was that forgiveness is essential to moving on. And I'm ready to let go."

With that, Steve marched himself to the door and knocked. The sound of a few bumps came from inside, indication that someone was inside. As the door opened, Steve was confronted with a pair of eyes identical to his own, belonging to someone with graying hair.

"Dad," Steve spoke, eyes widening. His father stared back at him, mouth gaping open. A pair of glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. He wore a baby blue collared shirt with khaki pants, and had a newspaper tucked under his arm - exactly like when Steve was a kid. His face had a lot more wrinkles that Steve remembered.

"Steven?" Steve's father sputtered, using Steve's full name. "What are you doing here?"

Steve didn't know what to say. Of course, he was here for Julian. It was Julian who suggested coming, after all. But in that moment, Steve decided that he was done. He was done allowing his past to hang over his head like a storm cloud. He was done blaming everything that went wrong in his life on his father. He was done holding a grudge that was preventing him from allowing Julian from having a relationship with his grandfather. And he was done, so done, with feeling so antagonistic, so angry, about what had happened.

"I want you to meet my son. Your grandson. Julian." Steve gestured to Julian. He watched as tears sprang to his father's eyes, tears of joy. Of love...an emotion Steve used to think his father was incapable of expressing. Steve's father embraced Julian in a hug - Julian reluctantly returned the gesture. And suddenly, Steve felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Why don't you come inside, Steven...and Julian," Steve's father said, wiping his tears. Julian disappeared inside, making a beeline towards Steve's old bedroom to check it out. Steve looked at his father once more, noticing that his father had something to say. "Look, Steven...I've had a lot of time to think about what happened. 22 years. And I just want to say that I'm sorry. I know how much pain and suffering I caused you, and there's nothing I can do to take that away. But I want you to know that I've...I've missed you. And that again, I'm so sorry."

Steve allowed himself to be embraced by his father, before pulling away with a smile. "Dad, I forgive you."

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words."

And while Steve followed his father inside of his childhood home, a thought occurred to him. "Hey Dad? Call me Steve."