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❝harry edward styles looks like a mop❞

Hotline Girl | Pizza Boy

~

"Hi there! This is -"

"Hotline girl, hotline girl! Don't hang up on me, I actually have a legitimate question."

"You again, pizza boy? Alright, spit it out."

"How do I stop getting One Direction fanfiction recommended to me?"

"...What?"

"Every time I log onto Wattpad I get One Direction fanfics recommended to me. Please help. I don't think I can read the phrase 'Harry Styles is my bad boy' one more time without throwing up."

"Pizza boy...I hate to break it to ya, but you do know that your recommendations are based on your past searches, right?"

"..."

"Right?"

"Hey listen, I hate to sound dramatic, but I think there's a bug in your system."

"Oh my god, pizza boy, admit it -- you've got a crush on Harry Styles."

"Harry Edward Styles looks like a mop. Seriously, have you seen his hair?"

"How'd you know his middle name was Edward?"

"..."

"Pizza boy?"

"...Lucky guess?"

"Stop lying to me."

"Okay, okay, fine. But I DO NOT have a crush on him. I simply looked him up because this site is apparently full of 1D fanfiction. I was curious!"

"Suuure. A likely story."

"Hotline girl, don't you say 'suuure' at me. I can hear the sarcasm in your voice."

"That's because I was being sarcastic, moron. The sarcasm was meant to be heard."

"Fair enough. Legitimate question, though, how are you supposed to post stories? I thought I'd try my hand at this whole writing thing."

"Ah! Finally! I'm pretty sure this is the first time I'm actually doing my job when I'm talking to you. Anyways, firstly, are you on mobile or web?"

"Web."

"Great! Okay, so do you see your little profile picture on the right hand side with your username on it? Click on it."

"Okay, done. Do I click on 'works'?"

"Yes! Click on that. You're learning quickly, pizza boy."

"Ah, yes, I see where I can write now. Thanks, hotline girl."

"You're welcome, pizza boy. Just out of curiosity -- what are you planning on writing?"

"Not sure yet. I'm still working it out."

"Well, I wish you the best of luck with your stories! I'm sure it'll be great."

"Is...is that...a warm-hearted sentiment from you, hotline girl? Where's the witty remarks? Where's the sarcasm? Who are you?!"

"Funny, pizza boy."

"Did you just admit I was funny?"

"Wait! No! That's not what I meant!"

"AHA! I knew it! You think I'm hilarious, admit it."

"Ugh, just go back to writing your One Direction fanfics. Bye, pizza boy."

"Bye, hotline girl. And thanks!"

ミ

A/N: 

Ahh 1D stans don't come for me about the Harry Styles' comment, okay? I love you all.

Thank you so much for everyone's continued support! :D