Blue Rose Petals (Shizaya)

Back At Zero

Shizuo woke up to gagging sounds coming from the bathroom and immediately ran there. Izaya was throwing up violently and crying. It was almost impossible to catch any breath for him. When Shizuo came closer Izaya just pushed him back. "G-go away" The blond didn't listen and thought that Izaya was just ashamed of being seen in a situation like this, which he indeed was, but not only that bothered the raven. It wasn't only embarrassing, but also he didn't want Shizuo to worry and see him in this weak state. He just wanted for Shizuo to go away and forget about all this. After a while, the raven stopped and looked angrily at the male in front of him. "I told you to get out! Why didn't you listen?!" "I just wanted to support y-", the hand he reached out was slapped away. "Get the hell away from me!" 'I need to send him away. I can't burden him any longer. He needs to get away from me as far as possible no matter the cost. It'll be better this way for him, even if he doesn't understand it for now.', were the thoughts that went through Izaya's head at that moment. "Don't...don't touch me monster!" 'He doesn't understand anything. He doesn't get how much of a polluted and disgusting creature I am. If he'd know the real me, he would wish he never met me. He's just so..so..so ignorant! If he wouldn't have decided to stay, he would never have to feel so bad and worried.' "It's all your fault!", he shouted as he held his head with his hands as if to stop the gigantic amount of thoughts. "I-Izaya don't say that...I'm just..just trying to help you and-" "Just fuck off already!" In that second Izaya was really regretting his choice of words. He hoped he didn't cross the line, but unfortunately, he did. "You want me to leave?" Izaya blankly nodded. His heart ached, but he tried to ignore it the best he could and repeatedly reminded himself that this was for the best, maybe not for him, but for Shizuo. The man stood up with tears in his eyes and left without a word or a last glance back as only his broken pieces of heart were left behind in the house. Each step at the staircase felt like a step back in the progress and hopes he made. It was as if he walked on sharp glass, which cut deeper and deeper with every step. It felt like he betrayed his raven- no, not his after all. Tears left his eyes as he remembered their wonderful kiss, Izaya's grateful smile and then how Izaya shouted at him, blamed him and called him monster. "I simply wanted..to help." He felt more like he betrayed him and not the other way around. It felt as if it was his fault after all. And when he reached the last step, he crumbled. For about half an hour he just sat there and cried in pain before dragging himself to his empty and lonely apartment where there was no flea waiting for him. At the very same time, Izaya was crying as well, regret hitting him hard. Now there was no more comfort or safety for him to grab onto. No more love from the one he loved so much. But if it meant Shizuo would be safe and happy, he'd accept this pain. The only problem was that he didn't even imagine how much his rejection would hurt his beloved. He really thought that Shizuo's love wasn't anything serious. I mean, come on. Who would truly love a flea like him, right? Well...wrong.

A raven-haired, broken man was sitting at a round, wooden table and crying his heart out. At the table was nothing more than a small portion of otoro placed on a very pretty plate, which had blue flowers painted all over it. The otoro on it was barely even touched with only one bite taken from it. The sushi tasted strangely salty today. Why's that? Oh right, the tears the man was shedding were falling right onto the little plate in front of him.

For the millionth time this day his mind fooled itself by creating a false sound. The illusion of a sound he wanted to hear so badly that it was all he heard all day. The door ringing. Once again, despite knowing that he was just imagining everything, he ran towards the door with a pathetic hope leading him the way, but when he swung it open, there was nothing except the empty staircase. "I'm really turning insane, huh?" The door was shut again and slowly the thin figure dragged itself back to the table.

Ruby eyes dedicated it's look towards the food-filled plate on the table. He eyed it with no appetite at all, felt like throwing up just from thinking about eating anything. Perfectly prepared delicious otoro seemed to try so hard to impress and make the raven hungry with it's fresh fish and perfectly cooked rice, but it was all for nothing. The male just didn't feel like eating. And it was this way since that day. That day he lost his love. The day he ruined any chances of happiness. He told himself that it was for the best over and over, but still, he felt immense regret and guilt for what he said that day to him.

"Izaya...I like you."

The day Shizuo kissed him reappeared in his mind. Those soft, gentle lips of his. Those careful and sweet words. And his comforting embraces. He missed it all so, so much that it broke his already broken heart even further. Izaya never answered how he truly felt about the blond. He never said that he accepted the blond's love. He never let him know that he felt the same way. It was painful to remember Shizuo's confession, knowing that he rejected him harshly afterwards. The blond didn't deserve to get hurt like that, but Izaya just...just wanted to save him from the worries, problems and further pain. "He'll find someone better soon enough. "You'll see Izaya, later he'll be wondering how he even fell for someone like you in the first place. He'll be grateful for not having to stay. The only thing you have to do now is deal with the loneliness, but you're used to that already, right?" Another tear fell on the plate and perhaps it was just imagination, but it seemed as if the flowers on the plate became darker and less welcoming. If you'd look at them for a longer period of time, you would get the illusion that the flowers were crying and slowly dying. Or as I said, it may just depend on the person who's looking, on their perspective, philosophy and of course...on how broken they are. For Izaya it seemed way too realistic and it made him cry even harder than before.

He looked at the plate in front of him as his eyes became more empty. Dull, frozen in time. He gulped and scratched his head. Darkness slowly surrounded the room, the flowers shot up to the ceiling having the porcelain as soil to grow out of. They withered, the blue color turned so dark it almost was equal to black, and all of a sudden they attacked Izaya. He attempted to escape the punishment his faith had given him, but only made it worse by getting more entangled in the plant that tried to trap him. His body was lifted up into the air and the plant wrapped itself around Izaya's neck firmly, nearly choking him. Thorns of the roses pierced into soft skin and made Izaya bleed as he gritted his teeth. And the worst part was that there was no escape. He had to accept this pain and imprisonment he was in. Otherwise... Shizuo would rot in this black hole with him. And that was unacceptable. So he cried again, closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was back in the room and sitting at the table with a little plate with blue flowers painted on it and, of course, salty otoro on it. But the hurtful plant didn't go away. It tangled around Izaya's heart tightly, squeezing it and reminding him to stay away from a certain blonde man.