Schatzi

12

"Is he really back?" Peter asked as he helped set our chairs in their living room. They were holding a meeting here for the first time.

"Yeah, I was at my mum's house yesterday and when she came back, he was with her."

"Are you okay?"

"No," he sighed, straightening the chair he'd just set down . "I know it shouldn't bother me anymore, I'm an adult, I don't have to see him if I don't want to, he can't hurt me anymore or whatever, but he still fucking terrifies me."

"Baby, I'm so sorry," Peter whispered, wrapping his arms around him gently, holding him close.

"I just freaked out when I saw him. I don't know exactly what I did but I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I saw him, just before he left."

"It's okay, he can't hurt you now, you can stay away from him. Just stay home, with me."

"Yeah but my mum..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "Fuck, I don't know why she's back with him, but he was so horrible to her. And now, it's illegal for them to be in a relationship, so I really don't understand why he's back! She doesn't love him, and he doesn't love her, they're putting themselves in danger and he could hurt her! What if he hits her and I'm not there to protect her?"

"You can't go back to being her shield, Eli," Peter mumbled, stepping back and holding him by the shoulders, looking at him intently. "I can't watch you get hurt. Not again. Not ever."

Elis shrugged him off and sighed. "I can't let him hurt her," he said as he turned around and walked into the kitchen to grab some food.

"But I can't let him hurt you," Peter insisted as he ran after him, grabbing his hand and spinning Eli around so he was pressed up against his chest, their faces inches from each other's. "Just promise me you'll think about your own safety around him, okay, schatzi?" He whispered. "Promise me."

Eli sighed and tried to pull away but Peter's grip around his hand and waist was gentle but firm.

"Schatzi, I want you to promise me."

"I promise." He didn't think about the words before he said them, but his lips moved and the voice was his. And he must have sounded pretty convincing because Peter pressed a kiss to his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Thank you, darling."

Peter took a step back and looked at him fondly, tilting his head to the side. "Thank you for agreeing to do this again tonight. I know you hate having to pretend to be something you're not."

Eli rolled his eyes and walked over to the counter.
"I hate 'Otto'," he complained. "He's a fucking idiot."

Peter smiled and walked back over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist as he kissed his neck softly. "No, I love him, because he's you. And I love you."

"He's not me," Eli sighed. "It doesn't feel like me."

"You told me last week you felt more confident, more free."

"Yes, because I can be gay with these people, and also because 'Otto' isn't a pussy like I am."

"Otto is you, baby, you just need something to boost your confidence."

"It's not me," Eli said adamantly, shaking his head and nudging Peter away. Within seconds Peter was back to peppering his face with kisses, making the corner of Eli's mouth twitch.
"You're an idiot."

"I love you too," Peter smirked, wrapping his arms around Eli and lifting him up onto the counter. "I love you, Otto, Eli, whatever."

"Eli," he corrected him but Peter paid no attention, silencing the words as soon as they left his lips by kissing him.

Peter's touch was soft as his fingers skimmed up his arms and over his chest, winding into his hair and holding him close.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, biting Eli's bottom lip slightly as he pulled away from the kiss to lean his forehead against Eli's, breathless. "I love you so much. I love you."

"I love you too," Eli replied, tilting his head to kiss him again.

Peter wrapped his arms around Eli's waist, lifting him up and pushing him back onto the countertop, his lips barely leaving his.

His fingers skimmed Eli's jaw, the slight stubble that was finally growing in  rough beneath his touch.

"Growing a beard? Finally a man," he grinned, putting on a stupidly low voice, earning a sharp knee to the stomach from Eli. "Hey!"

"You put me up here, I'm at prime height for kicking," Eli laughed, aiming another jab at Peter's side, legs flailing but Peter grabbed his ankle and pulled sharply, half dragging him off the counter.

"PETER!" He screamed, grabbing onto a cupboard door. "You fucking idiot!" He wrapped his legs tightly around Peter's waist as he held onto the cupboard for dear life so he was hanging like a hammock between the two. "Fuck you!"

Peter was laughing so hard Eli could feel him shaking. He walked in slightly so Eli could let go of the the cupboard and cling onto him like a koala instead.

"Sorry, babe."

"Not funny," Eli scowled, holding onto him so tightly he was sure he was probably choking him, but Peter didn't seem to mind.

"Very funny. Now kiss me."

———

"Peter, darling," Eli whispered, touching his chest lightly to get his attention. "They'll be arriving soon. We should get up."

Peter smiled softly and shook his head, winding his fingers absentmindedly into Eli's curls. "I don't want to. I just want to lie here with you until the end of time. Until some higher power destroys this shit hole world we're living in."

Eli frowned as he looked up at him, resting his chin on Peter's bare chest. "You okay?"

"I want to marry you," Peter whispered. "I really fucking want to marry you, Schatzi," he said, sitting up and staring at him intensely. There was a look in his eyes. He looked at Eli like he was the moon, lighting up the late October evening. But there was something else.

Eli didn't know what to say. He was vaguely aware of tears dripping down his cheeks. He'd dreamt of Peter saying that for years. But now he finally said it, he was realising how fucking stupid it was to ever set his hopes on hearing those meaningless words.

"Peter...you know we-"

"I know!" He snapped, and his voice was also choked with tears. "I know, and I hate it. I hate it so much. It's not fair. It shouldn't be like this! I love you, Eli. Fuck, I love you more than I can put into words but I can't do what everyone else gets the basic privilege of doing."

"Darling, we don't need that. Marriage doesn't have to mean anything. I'm happy with you. That's all I need. I don't need a ring to prove that!"

Peter rubbed his eyes, lapsing into a long silence.
"You're right," he sighed eventually. "Of course you are. But I still want to change that."

"I know. And one day it will. I promise you, Peter. Things will be better for us one day."

"A house in the countryside," Peter sighed wistfully, pulling Eli close to him again.

"A better job."

"A cat," He added with a smile.

"Holiday traditions."

"A garden."

"You."

"Kids."

Eli smiled almost sadly and nodded. "One day. And hey, maybe one day I'll let you put a ring on my finger."

Peter flushed red as he stroked the back of Eli's hand. "I mean, if marriage is so meaningless to you, would it be so bad..." he reached behind him to grab something out of the drawer beside the bed and held it out to Eli. "If we did that last one now?" He said, the delicate silver ring shining in his palm. "I mean, I know we can't do anything because the world hates us, so this is more just to let you know if I could, I would be proposing to you right now. And it would mean something, I swear."

"Don't be stupid. This means everything."