What Should I Do? - LXC x JC fanfic

Why

I treated you like my own brother – a family! Why would you betray me? A-Yao…? He thought as he stared at Jin Guangyao whose neck was snapped by Nie Mingjue and pulled inside the coffin. He stared at the coffin, dumbfounded and shock and horrified. Even if everyone is already moving to seal the coffin when it violently shook even under Wei Wuxian’s control of Nei Mingjue, Lan Xichen just stood there, still holding his neck as if Nei Mingjue’s hand is still choking him, his face pale and his eyes wide. Why… just why… why should everything happen like this - ? he thought as he looked at the coffin, his eyes full of pain and resentment. Why…? A-Yao… why would you kill da ge…? Why would you kill your own father? Why would you kill your own son…? Why would you kill your wife…? Why… why would you betray me? he thought as he lowered his head, his tears about to fall, but he’s holding them all back. Why? Just why, A-Yao?! I knew… I knew you wouldn’t kill me, since you even saved me from da ge… but… but - ! he balled his fists, his nails digging deep on his palm looking like they’re going to bleed.

No matter how many questions he’d ask, they can never be answered. He just stood there like a log – blank and still shocked. Even if his uncle Lan Qiren arrived with their sect elder and asked him, he just brushed them off. He wished… nothing has happened. He wished… nothing has started… so that… nothing could have ended. Unfortunately, everything already started without him knowing. Now, everything ended… with him still not knowing about everything. Why? Just why did this have to happen? Why… why should this happen? Why… why, why… why?!

In the corner of his eyes he saw a figure in purple blankly staring at the space – just like him. Jiang Cheng stared at the direction where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji must have left. Why… he thought. Why would he give me his core? Why… why should he sacrifice a lot? Why… would he still come back? Why… why would he act like nothing has happened? Why can he laugh like I didn’t try to kill him? Why would he smile… as if he didn’t experience pain? Why… just why… Wei Wuxian…? He thought as he lowered his head. “Let’s go.” He told Jin Ling.

Jin Ling looked like he still wanted to say something, but kept it inside hm. The two of them left, the YunmengJiang and LanlingJin sect disciples followed them except those who are sealing the coffin. The GusuLan sect were left, together with Nie Huaisang who’s crying beside the coffin, calling his brother.

Lan Xichen took a deep breath to calm himself because of the raging emotions inside – shock, pain, disappointment, confusion. He didn’t say a word more and he left with his uncle and their sect elders, then they went back to Gusu. Only for him to lock himself.

“Xichen! Xichen!” Lan Qiren called as he pounded the door. But, after a few minutes and he stopped, realizing he’s breaking their rules. And so he left in rage.

Lan Xichen sighed as he looked around his room. It’s so empty – just like what he feels. A-Yao… why did you do that? Why did you kill da ge? Why? Why should you kill him? You could’ve talked to me with your problems, and not resort to killing! He thought as he gritted his teeth. He punched the floor in frustration and anger. Should I have noticed your problems sooner? Why didn’t I notice? Why? He punched the floor again. He could feel the pain in his knuckles that’re now turning red and have bruises because of the hard floor he punched, but he didn’t mind. The pain in his heart is bigger. A-Yao… why should you kill? Why should you betray me…? I expected from you… I had hopes in you… he saw his tears started to fall. He could vividly remember, the first time he cried was when their mother died. He cried in pain of losing their mother – but also cried for pain because of his younger brother Lan Wangji… Lan Wangji was too young, losing their mother… it’ll leave a big shadow in his heart. The second time he cried… it was when their father died and their sect was burned down – his younger brother and his uncle was left there, and he has no choice but to flee with their sect’s valuable books. That was when he met Meng Yao – who’s now the cause of why he is crying. When his father died, he cried in anguish. Now, he’s crying because of disappointment… and regret. He valued Jin Guangyao too much… he trusted him too much… only to be betrayed in the end. Did I hold some romantic feelings towards him, that’s why I feel regret? He thought, then felt his heart beating in his chest. … no. He thought as he clutched his chest that’s beating normally. Why… I trusted him too much… I valued him too much… I – he thought as his forehead knotted. Why do I feel regret then…? He thought as he raised his head. Was it because… he thought and looked outside the window when he felt the wind blew. A bitter smile formed on his lips as another tear fell from his eyes – the last tear he should shed.

All this time, he knew. He knew his younger brother Lan Wangji would end up with Wei Wuxian – since he himself hopes for it. He saw how deeply their father loves their mother – the same Lan Wangji did. That is why he was so disappointed, that when Wei Wuxian came back he thought the two would finally end up together, but to find out Wei Wuxian still hasn’t had an idea of his younger brother’s feelings. He finally snapped – the stress he felt that time triggered it. But, that snapped Wei Wuxian to his senses. Finally, his younger brother finally has Wei Wuxian. And so… this leaves him alone. Yes… he thought as he walked towards the window and gazed at the towering mountains hugged by the clouds around them. Yes… he is alone. Lan Wangji is now with Wei Wuxian. Nie Mingjue died, leaving him and Jin Guangyao. Now… Jin Guangyao also died. He smiled as he felt the wind touched his face. Ah… A-Yao… I really regret letting you die… he thought and lowered his head. He sobbed, but no more tears come out of his eyes.

He is lonely.

(A/N: UwU first XiCheng I made after a long time…. Hahahaha XDXDXD)