The Broken Hearts Club

Nameless Cats and Raven Hair

    Waking up turned into a fight every morning. What was the point of waking up, being alive, if you can't do it next to the person you love the most? It was so difficult to find any will to get up, to go about the day, to go to work and come home to the empty house. It seemed so meaningless now. Not having her there to kiss me good morning. I wouldn't be able to see her dance around in my t-shirts anymore. Yes, it seemed right to just stay in bed, to fade into another world where once more I could see her raven black hair bounce and see her blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight. I liked that idea. So why couldn't I go through with it?
    This morning's reason for getting up was to let that annoying cat out. Always meowing and basically screaming in my ears. He belonged to Hayden, she loved that cat more than anything it seemed sometimes. She'd do everything for him. Buy new toys every week, take it for walks, give it our food and it even had a place in bed for him. For a moment I was taken back to when it was a kitten and she just brought it home saying, "How could I pass up such an adorable face? It's even cuter than yours." She'd always say that, then proceed to kiss both of us. Hayden never even named the cat, she believed that he didn't truly belong to her but rather to God and that if he willed her to name the cat then he would. Personally I never believed in God but she devoted herself to her religion. I, of course, didn't mind it, she was free do as she pleased. That was one thing I loved about our relationship. We weren't confined to do what the other wanted, rather we were both free. Of course we still did marital things together, but when it came to religion or things that brought interest to us, we never argued about it. Though we took chances with each other, I'd go to her pottery class if she went to the game with me. Hayden honestly was the most perfect human I ever had the pleasure of knowing. 
    Things did get more difficult once she was diagnosed with a type of dementia. I stayed patient with her through it all. Then she reached her point. Only 37 years old. She was still so young. I fell into a deep depression after her death. While our marriage was open, we were closer than ever. Hayden was my best friend.
    I was brought back to reality when the cat meowed. I had been standing there, staring at, all while I had drifted off into thoughts. Leaning down, I picked him up. The cat annoyed the living out of me but he was all I had left of her now.
    I fiddled with a new coffee machine a relative gave to me for a bit. Why did they have to make simple things filled with new techno humbo jumbo. All I want is coffee, not a soy latte with a shot who know's what and a sprinkle of who cares. Eventually I gave up and made it on stovetop. Luckily nobody felt the need to turn an stove into a robot. Coffee was all I really drank nowadays. Food had become so unnecessary and bland. 
    After getting ready for work, not bothering to shave the beard I apparently had been growing, I left. Luckily the office I worked at didn't have a specific code for grooming, just to be clean at least. I had worked for an office that specifically worked with websites, it been something my father did, and his father did before that, and I believe that his father did it as well. Maybe. I wasn't about to stop the family line. Though I was never able, nor really wanted, to have children and continue to family line, my younger brother and twin boys who were well on their way to it. Hayden never really wanted children due to it ruining her figure. And I didn't blame her, she was gorgeous. Though I always wondered what it would be like to have a tiny replica of you running around.

    Once arriving to the office, I slowly made my way up the elevator and to my cubicle. Noticing some talking, I looked around and noticed some new workers. A few younger workers.
    "Haven't even reached 45 and they are already replacing us, Francis," Steve, my old buddy and fellow employee, said jokingly.
    "If they want to pay for my retirement then they can go ahead," I replied, slapping him on the back. Steve patted mine back.
    "We should probably introduce ourselves to the kiddos," As we walked up to the new guys, Steve looked up at me and asked, "Hey, how have things been going?"
    I heaved a sigh, "About the same as they were the last time you asked."
    "Has that group you've been going to helped at all?"
    "It helps take my mind off things for awhile," I told him, "they want us to write our feelings down via poem." My sentence earned a laugh from Steve, along with a smile of sympathy. I had grown accustomed to sympathy, pity, sorrow, commiseration, along with everything in between. It was nice at first, to have people be so nice and understanding. And though I was getting used to it, I was also a little irritating at times.
    "After seeing how well my wife benefited from it, I was sure it would help." Steve said. It has, just not enough. I was still waiting for the day to be miraculously cured. Once we made it up to the youngins, Steve introduced us, "Hello, Steve Logins and this is Francis Harold; one of the best in the entire business." I shook my head at his comment. I was good but not the best. Most certainly not the best. There were four young men and one young women. As I glanced over them, my eyes stopped at a certain boy. He seemed so familiar. Possible one of the new boys from the Club? Oh what was his name?"
    "Evan Darrel," He said, reaching out to shake my hand, "we met the other day at the Club."
    "Yeah, sorry I didn't introduce myself properly then," I shook his hand quickly.
    "Think we all sorta introduced ourselves to everyone." Evan said looking at the ceiling.
Ah, so he was going to be that kind of kid.
   "What club are you talking about Evan?" The young lady, whose name was Jasmine, asked. She popped her gum loudly causing Steve to wince. 
    "Not the kind of club you'd be seen in," he replied to her.
   Jasmine giggled, not catching on to his sarcasm in his voice, "Any club you're at, I'd happily be there, baby." Evan nodded, not really paying attention. 
   "Are you two a thing?" Steve asked bluntly.
   "Well of course!" Jasmine basically yelled, wrapping her arms around the boy. I was surprised, she didn't seem like his type. "Aren't we, puppy?" 
    Evan looked at her with annoyance, "Jazz, I told you not to call me that." She only giggled, popped her gum and pulled up her skirt that was already too short to begin with. I looked at Steve and we both gave each other the 'well this will be fun to deal with' look.

    Midday came in a hurry, everyone had gone to lunch but a few stayed behind. Myself included. I always felt like there was too much work to do to go eat lunch, though I did allow a coffee break. I noticed Evan in the break room with his laptop but closed it once he noticed me.
   "Hey," he said.
   "Don't let me keep you from whatever you were looking at." I replied.
   "Oh, uh no it wasn't that," Evan opened his laptop again, "I was looking at poems for that Poem Day thing."
   "Trying to find inspiration, huh?" I asked, sipping my coffee. Mm, it reminded me of Hayden. Strong like she was.
   "Couldn't I just use one of these and claim it as mine." He sighed.
   "Tried that," I told him, "Beth knows poetry like the palm of her hand, could spot one in seconds."
   Evan ran his hand through his hair, obviously tired. Now that I noticed, his under eyes were dark and puffy, like he hadn't slept in a week. Oh how I knew that feeling. "I don't even know how writing down words that rhymes is supposed to 'heal our aching hearts'." 
   "It's about expressing ourselves through art, I suppose." 
   He shook his head, "I don't have a single poetic bone in my body." 
   I laughed, "Just wait till you hear mine." 
   The kid laughed a slight bit, "By the way I'm sorry to hear for your loss."
   "So am I," I sighed softly, thinking about her long, raven hair.
   "No offense, but you seem more alive than yesterday."
   I shrugged, "I hold myself differently someday's, it'll be easier to fake it one day and easier to just fall apart the next."
   "I understand that." Evan said, looking down at the floor, "I didn't even want this job but my dad forced me into it to 'be an adult'."
   "Well you've got your girlfriend here, that's got to be nice." I said, suddenly remembering that excruciating gum popping. 
   Evan rolled his eyes, "She just showed up, I didn't even know she was going to be here."
   I cringed, now that had to be rough. I could tell Jasmine was very.. devoted to say the least.           And speak of the devil here she is, trotting in on 9 inch heals. She kissed his cheek, leaving a dark purple lipstick stain and sitting on his lap. This girl screamed Kelly Kapoor from an old TV program called "The Office". I decided to leave the two to themselves. Even though I was sure Evan wanted to leave as well.
    I had gone back to my cubicle and shuffled through papers. Hayden's picture that sat in front of me caught my eyes, as it almost always did. The picture was taken on our one and only trip outside of Illinois. Hayden told me that it was too cold to be alive and that she craved the sun on her arms, so I saved every penny and nickel until we had enough to make a two-way trip to Hawaii. It was a short trip but the entire time was more than amazing. Now that I think about it, I never really payed attention to the scenery, but rather I had my eyes glued on her. Her in that white sundress, walking barefoot through the sand. That was the picture I had on my desk. So beautiful, so elegant. It brought tears to my eyes. Maybe somehow I could make a poem about our trip there. Hawaii... my wifey...
    It definitely needs work.