The Broken Hearts Club

Watch What You Say

   Tonight I had one job and one job only. To find Jackie. Make her wish she had never left. Some might say I was acting obsessive, and maybe I was. But let me make it clear, I don't want her cheating self back. Just to make her feel pain. Not physical, I should say. Rather just that gut-wrenching-I-made-a-mistake kind of pain. That's not even half of how she made me feel. I could feel myself internally cringing, I sounded like such a girl all of the sudden.
   I realize now that I should have let Caroline follow us. If Jackie saw us, maybe she'd get jealous. Okay, seriously, I sound like a girl. I did, however, look back into the sea of people. Caroline wasn't to be seen. Too late for that idea, I guess.
   "Is that her?" Marc asked, pointing across the room. I shook my head.
   "Are you sure she was going to be here?"
   "Dude, her boyfriend is on the team, of course she is."
   "Wait," I stopped, "so you are just going off of speculation?" Marc shrugged. My eyes rolled and my hand went through my hair. Well, there goes my plans for the night.
   "Hey, at least we're at a party, let's have some fun." Marc grabbed the nearest cup of who knows what and chugged it, "Oh damn, they got the good stuff this time!"
   I couldn't help but laugh, "Of course they did, after all, the soccer team is Chicago royalty." I grabbed myself a cup, drinking down the cool beer. Might as well enjoy myself. Now, after game parties weren't usually my scene. But I couldn't complain. A party is still a party, right?

   I think an hour or two went by. It was too many beers later to remember. I knew I was getting drunk because I saw that guy from the club here. Talking to the annoying blonde? Jesus, was I going to see the old guy here too? I gave up on looking for Jackie. She'd show up eventually.            Then again, she's probably too stuck up for partying this hard now. This wasn't even going as bad as it could. Last party I went to, I don't even remember, except being passed some pills in a bowl. Hey, sometimes you just want to feel good.
   A couple of girls pulled me outside to the pool. Crap, it was cold. But they both removed their shirts to reveal tiny bikinis. "Come join us Jonah," they said seductively as they entered the water. They didn't even get my name right. My eyes caught hold of the brunette across the yard though. Caroline was sitting alone. Looking... lost? It gave me an odd feeling of empathy. I didn't owe her any sort of emotion, but seeing her alone in this crowd was upsetting. Or maybe it reminded me of a time when I was the same way. It must have been the alcohol that walked me over to her, because I never thought I'd say no to two girls before.
   A frown seemed present upon her normally happy face. She appeared lost in thought until I approached. Then the smile reappeared. "You don't have to pretend," I said, "I don't care either way."
   She let the smile fade slightly and nodded, "I'm just cold is all."
   "Why not go inside?" I asked, but she was hesitant.
   "It's too crowded."
   I guess I was used to it. To having people being shoved up against you. It clicked in my head. I hadn't seen Caroline's body, but could it be possible that she has bruises in other places? If so, then I understood her wanting to stay away from the sharp elbows. I stayed silent however and took a seat beside her on the ledge.
   "Did you find who you were looking for?" She asked.
   "No, but forget her."
   "Was it your ex?" Caroline caught on fast apparently. I didn't reply, just took a swig of my beer. I think she understood my answer. "I know you don't think so but I do remember you from school."
   I stifled a laugh, "Yeah, right."
   "I do!" She justified, "You were in most of my classes."
   I gave her a sly look, raising an eyebrow, "Well that can't be right, since I skipped so many classes."
   "Right, that's how I remember," she smiled as if she won something.
   I smirked and sipped my beer, "If you say so."
   "You and Jackie."
   My head turned over to Caroline, "You know Jackie?"
   She nodded, "Only a little, she hangs out with Jackson's friends a lot." Of course. Jackie rolls with that crowd now. So it was obvious for them to know each other. I pulled off my shoes and rolled up my jeans, sticking my feet in the warm water of the pool. "She's out of town this weekend from what I heard," She continued, "I'm sorry."
   I shook my head, "You don't need to be."
   Caroline stared at me for a few seconds before shifting her gaze to the water. I didn't really know how to act. Truthfully, after she left last night, I thought about her. Too much. Not in that sort of way, but just wondering why. She tried to spark up conversation again, "How's the-" I cut her off however.
   "How do you do it?" I could blame the alcohol on this, but I was genuinely curious, and oh so skeptical, "How do you hurt yourself like that?" She didn't answer. "I understand cutting, I know why I do it, but you are taking it to a whole other level."
   Still no answer.
   "It's stupid."
   Yeah, probably not the best thing to say. I finally looked at her again, her green and blue eyes were filled with tears. I was about to tell her to relax, to not cry, but she was already standing up from her spot. "I've got to go, it was nice talking to you Joseph."
   It wasn't my place to ask. And I couldn't blame being drunk this time. Caroline has such a perfect life. From what everyone can see at least. She doesn't need to hurt herself.
   She walked to the other side of the pool where a group of guys were. I think she started walking past them but one of them grabbed her wrist. Caroline flinched softly. They were all laughing, spilling their drinks everywhere. One of them said, "Come on Caroline, just one little dip won't hurt." I started realizing where this was heading, pre-cautiously standing up. My eyes were firmly planted on her.  
   Caroline was protesting, even with that polite little smile.
   They pressed her up against the ledge of the pool. "Come on, baby, show that fine little body."
   I started to say something, but they pushed too far, causing her to fall in.