Taste the Salf to Love the Sweet

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This is a very depressing part with mentions of drugs and/or alcohol, anxiety, depression and tempted suicide
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As my father once said "it's fine not to be happy all the time." I take that into thought most days. By most days it's been everyday for the past 2 years. I have expressed these feelings to anyone but myself. I never wanted any of this to happen, my father past away only 3 years ago and I'm having a drink I could've had with him if cancer wasn't such a murderous disease. This is a drink I never had with him, watching a game on TV I could've seen with him, papers on papers left on the table behind me full of songs, poems and short stories we wrote together. I slowly turn my aching head to look out at the stars. I heard from my father, again, that every star represents a soul up in the mighty protection of god. I can his shining extra bright, it almost looked like a light blue... his favourite colour. I look at the piece of paper and read out what I wrote.

"I finally wrote your song at last, sorry this one came out so sad..." I get up and pace around the room, singing out the lyrics on the paper. "Through unopened windows, bound to my heart, fantasy so close feels so afar," I turn and see the tan, sectional couch. "I see a cold seat on the couch, where I remember that just four years ago around December, you sat me down and, held me next to you so close," My eyes land on the drink that did sit next to me. I grab it and chug it. I continue singing lyrics and reading out poems, sometimes I felt him sing along too. I look around my kitchen as I light a cigarette. Sure the cigarette caused cancer but if I'm lucky I'll suffer the way he did. Starts with his mouth, lemon-sized tonsil, then to my eye, where I become a pirate and wear an eye patch, then lastly it ends in my brain. (I think 2/3 of that is true, feel free to correct me.) That's when images and memories flood my brain.

7 years
"Dad! Dad! Look what I can do!" Cody rides his bike down the sidewalk with his arms up. His dad runs over and applauds him. "I did it! I did it!"

15 years
"What if it goes wrong dad? I might screw up, then I'll be the laughing stock. What if I get kicked out of band?!" He panics. "I should've practiced more I know, I know," His dad gives him a whack on the head.

"You'll do great,"

"Thanks dad," Cody smiles then runs out to the car, taking his clarinet down to join his school marching band.

17 years
"Dad, please. I really want your blessing for this, I know it's not what you wanted me to do but I really want to do this," Cody pleaded at his father. "All I want is to start a rock band, please. That's my wish from you."

19 years
Cody rushes into the hospital. "Dad?" His dad nods slowly.

"There's no shortcuts to success, follow your dreams..." His dad wheezes.

"Dad... don't go please, you need to stay to watch me grow!"

"I've seen him as much as I can see, and I'll see more later. I'll always be watching," His dad cups his cheek and wipes Cody's tears. "Let it out, it's okay, you're not crazy. The tears tell you that you're alive,"

"I don't want you to go..." His dad takes off his hat and places it upon Cody's head.

"I'll hope to see you in many many years," The heart monitor slows until there's a long, drawn-out beep. Cody takes the hat off and holds it over his heart.

"What about us drinking together? Or or the game we were supposed to go to, what happened to it all?" Cody weeps out. Cody drops the hat and hugs the new corpse that lied motionlessly on the bed, mourning into the dead man's shirt.

I look through cabinets and drawers. I decided to head to the bathroom upstairs and grab a pill bottle out of the medicine cabinet. I take a few and wait in my room for a little bit.

I wait 30 minutes until I start getting woozy. That's when I see that same blue start, dimming lower and lower. "I'll be with you soon father..." Cody swallows a handful of pills. "Then all the pain will go away,"

"CODY!!" Cries out Maxx. He charges in and holds Cody closely. Cody groans in pain. "What the fuck did you do?!" Maxx's eyes land on the pill bottle. "Cody! Why?!" Maxx shoves his fingers into Cody's throat, causing Cody to cough and gag up on the floor. "How much did you take?" Cody shrugs as Maxx continues to shove his fingers down Cody's throat. Only pills and alcohol-smelling water came out. "Is that it?" Cody nods and holds onto Maxx. "What was the point of that?! You could've died!" Cody just sobbed into Maxx's shoulder.

"I love him but I just can't let him go, he's with me every second and I just can't let him go."

Cody eventually stopped crying and looks into Maxx's eyes. "I'm so so sorry, I just wanted to be with him. Hear his voice, see his painless face, the calmness that comes with death,"

"Death is never calm Cody. From his death it's leading you to committing suicide which will lead me to copy you until everyone is suffering then dying, suffering then dying, just an endless cycle," Cody nods and sobs into Maxx's shoulders again. Maxx rubs Cody's back and looks out the window, seeing the bright blue star. "Hey, look," Maxx points at the star. "He's happy again, happy that you get to live and grow. Happy he'll see you when your time is up," Cody smiles and looks at the star.

"There's no shortcuts to success, I'll wait for his guiding hands, my guardian angel until the very end," He sings out and lays his head in Maxx. "Nothing would be possible without him..."

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I managed to cry writing this so I apologize to those reading. Very similar to my 'FFI' isn't it?

I apologize also if there's a lot of dialogue and grammar mistakes, I just wanted to post something but if you notice anything that could use fixing feel free to comment <3

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⏰ Last updated: Mar 13, 2019 ⏰

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