be my mistake ~ matty healy

eight

upon arriving at my apartment, i was greeted with a very high matty and george. matty and george lie sprawled upon the couch whilst ross is sipping a glass of rum and adam is god knows where.

"oh heeeey alex, nice to have you join us," george nonchalantly stayed. i smiled and rolled my eyes before taking off my coat.

"they've been like this for hours. also, adam is in the loo. might not want to go in after him," ross stated. i chuckled lightly before patting his shoulder. "how nice of you lads to invade my home and get high without me," i said to the boys. ross shook his head and took another sip whilst matty and george grinned like idiots.

"technically, it wasn't even invading. ask matty, he was here!" george said, motioning toward matty. "that's because he was the one that let you in stupid!" i said, whilst matty was waving at us.

i heard a flush and the water faucet turn on before adam appeared from the bathroom. "how long have u been in there, hann? i swear i saw you go in there 40 minutes ago," matty said. "oh fuck off mate," adam said, throwing something at matty.

i laughed at the idiots before going toward my room to change. i took off my heels and clothes before changing into a random shirt and shorts. i threw the clothes into a pile in the room and walked out, shutting the door.

"alright so get this- i was walking down the street, right? and these two girls come up to me and nervous and giggly and shit. one of em goes 'ohmygod are you matty from the 1975' and i'm like 'hell yea' and they asked for a photo and shit. it was bangin, man," matty said. george was still taking a drag from the spliff while ross, adam, and i were all ears.

    "that's wild man. just wait till we get big. and i mean really big," ross said. adam was nodding along while matty pretending to punch him in the arm.

    "bollocks, matty! you're such a bully," adam said, smiling like an idiot. matty laughed as ross shook his head whilst smiling. i got up from the couch and went into the kitchen cupboards, pulling out a bottle of vodka.

    i sat at the end of the couch beside george and took a swig, ignoring the burn in my throat. george chuckled at me before bringing the bottle down from my lips.

    "easy there, alex. you don't want to get absolutely smashed in the first 10 minutes," he said. i shrugged my shoulders before we both burst out laughing. i took the spliff from his hands and took a long drag, trying to forget. fuck this- i want to forget everything.

    after giving george the spliff, i drank some more. we all shared the bottle, mainly matty and i drinking it all. i was drunk already to say the least, and i couldn't comprehend a fully functional thought. i laughed at everything the boys said, funny or not. i kept messing with george's hair, despite how many times he's swatted my hand away.

nearing the end of the night, george decided he'd better get home. meaning, adam has left with him also. ross was slightly buzzed as matty and i were dancing to music and failing at singing. ross was laughing whilst i sat down to take a breather.

"ross?" i asked drowsily, matty still distracted by his dancing skills. ross took another sip before turning to me and raising his eyebrows.

"i have to leave in a few days," i said, rubbing my eyes. he furrowed his eyebrows. "and where might you be going?" he asked, a smile creeping up on his face. he didn't take me seriously. a sad smile appeared on my face, everything coming back to me.

"i'm tired," i stated, hopping up quickly but stumbling due to my drunken state. everything felt light and giggly, it that makes sense. it takes my mine off of the shit i want to forget. i steadied myself quickly before walking lazily to my room, leaving ross and matty in the living room. i heard them yell my name but i waved them off and continued shutting the door.

a few moments later, i was spewing my guts into the toilet. i spit and wiped my mouth, attempting to rid the saliva from my mouth. i made a disgusted face and groaned before flushing it and sitting against it. tears started flowing and before i knew it, i was quietly sobbing into my hands.

i knew the boys were having the time of their lives in the next room over and i didn't want to end their fun.

whilst sobbing, i thought of all the shit i shouldn't have. how i was never there for my sister, how she had to die alone, how my parents practically hate my guts. these thoughts plagued my mind, never allowing me to rid them. i was still a sobbing mess by the time 15 minutes had passed.

i felt sick to my stomach as i stood up and made my way to the sink. i splashed cool water on my face in hopes of it calming me down. it didn't. looking in the mirror, staring back at me was a mess. my eyes were red and puffy, my nose was red and runny, and smeared mascara coated my eyelids. i saw how my lip trembled right before i was back at it, sobbing into my hand whilst the other was gripping the sink tightly.

god, how i want this to end.