if i were to say that the next day was any less difficult, it would be a lie.
i didn't see any of the boys all day, due to band business. arriving at work and going home, i didn't hear or see anything.
the boys have been talking about their tour for awhile, and they were exhilarated with the mere thought of it. adam was probably the most excited, seeing as even by the mention of it, he gets this absurd grin on his face and gets al giddy.
of course, they were all sullen with leaving me. but as much as i cant bear to be without them, this is the greatest opportunity they'll get in a long time.
the boys were all happy with the change of scenery at the studio, though it was draining for all of them. sometimes, ross and george didn't even bother going home; they just crashed at my place.
i have yet to tell them that not only am i leaving, but matty too. i've no clue what they'll need him to do for the studio but i just hope it isn't anything major. but if he has to stay, who am i to tell him he can't.
i would be lying if i said i wasn't nervous about seeing my parents after all these years. just the thought of them makes me want to spill my guts.
knowing them, they won't even acknowledge me.
the only thing keeping me sane these days is alcohol and the boys. but then again, it's always been that way.
my life is quite sad, retrospectively. i live through these days as a blur. and i always have. the boys add sparks and random moments of fun to my life. but it won't always be like that. hell- i'm in love with my best friend for fucks sake. and nobody even knows.
i wake up, go to work. drink and go to bed. on days with the boys, i feel happy. though i know it's only temporary, it's an extravagant feeling to be able to feel through this monotonous life of mine.
for fucks sake, my only sister just died. the sister i was supposed to protect. i should've been there all these years. but i couldn't. because after all, i am just selfish. selfish with the boys. selfish from my family. selfish from the rest of the goddamn world.
YOU ARE READING
be my mistake ~ matty healy
Fanfiction"nobody loved me when i was a nobody, no one cared. i was nothing. how do you expect someone as fucked up as me to have someone care for them? you don't, alex," He yelled, watching her tear-stained face contort into pain. he felt his heart drop- the...
