be my mistake ~ matty healy

ten

    "when i was 19, i got into drugs and shit. ya know, worse than we are now. and i eventually got mixed into the wrong people," i took a shaky breath before continuing. "th-they hurt trinity and caused her really really bad damage. she tried to get me clean so many times. but i- i couldn't stop. my parents found her bloody and beaten and barely fucking breathing. they blamed me for it. hell, they still do. and it's because that's what i deserve. i did this to her. and now she's paying the consequences," i state, on the verge of tears again.

    matty and i sat on the balcony in the cold, wrapped in each other. he hugged me even tighter, if that was possible. i could see as my breath faded into the night.

    "they tried pressing charges and whatnot. they mentally abused me for so long after that, trying to get me to tell them who i was with. but i knew that if i told them, it would only get worse. worse than only my sister dying. so i moved out here, trying to get away. away from my sister, away from my family, away from everyone and everything back there. and it seems as if i can never escape it, no matter how hard i try," i said.

    "christ alex, i didn't know you had this much baggage on you," matty said after a few moments. he was in the middle of smoking a fag as he tapped it to rid the ash. "so i'm guessing you're going for her funeral?" he inquired. i nodded against his chest.

"where exactly is it?" "it's in the states," i said. he nodded before taking big drags off his fag. we sat in silence as he finished his fag.

"i'm coming with you," he stated after long moments of silence. i pulled away from his chest and looked him in the eyes, the eyes that i fell in love with.

"matthew, i'm not doing that to you. i'll be back in a few days, it's not forever," i say trying to convince him otherwise. he shot me a small smile before saying," alex, i'm not letting you do that to yourself. i'm coming with you wether you like it or not." i tried searching for any doubt or regret in his eyes but to no avail, found nothing. and i knew he was serious.

"all we have to do is get you a plane ticket by now," i say defeatedly whilst coming closer to his chest. he wrapped a friendly arm around me before rubbing my arm. "ts no problem," he said in his thick accent.

as much as i hated to even come close to admitting it, i was glad that he was here. with me. with my problems. for once i'm not dealing with this alone.

    of course, it's inevitable to feel bad about it. he should've never known about this in the first place. but it's just who he is. he's matthew timothy healy, for christ's sake. he's the man i fell in love with.

    he's the man that doesn't feel the same.