Do you know that feeling when you don't necessarily want to die, but you just don't wanna be here anymore. here, on this place, with these people around you... you just want to be in peace with yourself. you just want to lay in your bed and sleep. you just want to be gone. and when you wake up, you just want everything to be okay.
i got that feeling for like the half of my lifetime, the other half i just want to die. well i get it if you think: "comon it's not that hard, just walk to your bed and sleep!" ya well there are a few problems...
you know i am forced to be here, at the world. i mean i never said i wanted to be here, my mother just dropped me here to... you know, live my life.
the other thing is that i can't just walk to my bed because i'm being watched. not like i got a stalker or something, but my parents watch me all day. probably because they're scared i'll kill myself one day. so ya well i can't really just walk to my bed and sleep.
and then there is the problem with sleep, i got some sort of sleeping disorder and i can't sleep at night. a few months ago, i've got traumatized. when i finally fall asleep, i got terrible nightmares and i often wake up sweating and screaming with a panic/anxiety attack. further, on the days, i also got anxiety and panic attacks. so ya well it's exhausting to live on that way
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Randommy diary - depression - self harm - anxiety - disorders ***TRIGGER WARNING: INCLUDES SELF HARM PICS***
