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16-04-2019

hi guys i'm back. i actually wanted to apologize for being gone for so long before i was gonna write this, but i'm not even gonna do that. look, i'm not sorry for it and i'll never be sorry for it. i just don't know what to say

my parents have been angry at me a lot of times so now, i don't really talk to them that much anymore. i just cut the conversation off. i don't know, i do feel sorry about that... it's just that i always get angry and frustrated when talking to them and i don't want them to know. i'm fucking afraid i'll hurt them or something because, you know i can be so mad at them, but after all they're still my parents and i love them. so i don't wanna hurt them

furthermore i've come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing more to do with my life. i don't even know where i base that on. it's just that i will probably fail this schoolyear. i fail everything by the way, i don't do a damn shit for things anymore, i just don't see the point in it anymore. i don't see the point in working for school anymore. i don't see the point of going out anymore. i don't even see the point of eating or drinking anymore. i already dried myself out for a couple of months and after a while i wasn't even thirsty anymore (i mean i still drink, just extremely few. to punish myself). i eat like a lot normally and i don't even think i'm too fat, but now, i'm just not hungry anymore. my parents are hella worried tho, they don't understand how i can not be hungry. whatever. i don't even understand it myself.

i honestly don't even know what's wrong with me anymore, i just can't seem to escape these nasty ass demons inside of me. they're killing me