Family

Consideration

Once I woke up, I heard noise coming from the kitchen. So I opened my eyes to see what it was and it ended up being Ian making himself a bowl of cereal. I then looked over towards Anthony's room but his door was still set and I could hear faint snores coming from his room.

It would be really awkward for Ian and I to be alone since he thinks I'm insane so I'm just gonna close my eyes and pretend to be asleep until Anthony wakes up. After I close my eyes and trying to drift off again but, I'm interrupted by Ian.

"Are you pretending to be asleep so you can watch me eat?"

I now realize that this probably wasn't the best plan. I sit up and look at Ian.

"Sorry, I'm just tired, I did a lot of sleeping last night and it made me exhausted"

Instead of laughing, Ian just stares at me in annoyance and rolls his eyes. He then sits down at the counter and begins to eat his cereal, looking down.

While part of me wants to be mad at him, I see what it seems like from his perspective so I understand.

"Look, Anthony told me about what happened with that one crazy fan girl. And I'm sorry that happened, and I also just want you to know that I understand if you think that I'm just like her because I would think the same exact thing if someone showed up at my front door like I did to yours. But after the DNA test today, you can know for sure that I'm not lying. And if I am, I'm out of the door by the end of the day. And if you can't wait for the DNA test then I can even show you the note that my mom gave me."

Ian paused for a moment, and then slowly nodded his head in agreeance.

I reach for my jeans from last night and pull the note out of my pocket, I open it up and bring it over to Ian. The writing got a bit smudged from the wetness, but it's still legible. As I watch him read over it, I slowly go over the letter in my head as well. I practically have it memorized by now. It was the last thing that my mother will ever give me so I've read it every day, constantly, once she died. It said:

To my lovely daughter Emily,

               By the time that you're reading this, I will already be dead from the cancer. The first thing that I want you to know is that I fought as hard and long as I possibly could, but once the doctor mentions the word, "terminal" it's obvious that the cancer will fight better. I just want you to know that you are the most incredible blessing to ever be blessed upon me. I love you so incredibly much and I'm so sorry to be leaving you in this crazy world all by yourself. As a child I kept you homeschooled so you wouldn't end up like your siblings or need to be around them because I know how cruel they were to you. But now I may be regretting my decision since now that I'm gone, I've left you with no one which is the last thing that I want for you. If I can't be with you, I want someone else to. So I decided to re trace all of my steps in our relationship and I realized that quite a while ago you did have someone else. Adopting you was the best decision for myself that I ever made. However, now I realize that it was also the most selfish decision I ever made.

                  When looking for a new child to call my own, you were the 5th little girl to walk in the room and when you looked at me and smiled widely as you said, "hello" my heart just melted because I knew from the moment I saw you, that you would be my little girl. However, little did I know that you were a packaged deal. Your adoption supervisor, Carol, had told me that you were so eager to be adopted by me but that you had also believed that your brother would be coming with us. Since I only had room for one more child in the home, I had to put down my foot and say that I wanted you and only you. Carol agreed that she just wanted to give a child a family. I was so oblivious to the fact that I was taking you away from exactly that, and I am so incredibly sorry.

                   I still remember the day that I got to take you home. You were crying both sad and happy tears because even though I said we would visit, you somehow knew you wouldn't be seeing him again. At least not for a very very long time. Since I am now passed you need someone to be with, and I figured that if you and your brother were once close, why couldn't you be close again? So I was able to track down Carol and pay her an amount of cash that I'm not comfortable with sharing and I know this is the only time that any one has ever said this but I'm a bit glad that the adoption system is corrupt because without it being so, I wouldn't be able to get his declassified files.

                 Anyways, I realize that this letter is getting long so I'll cut to the chase. I was able to find his name and current address and I want you to go to him so you can have some sort of family in your life again. My beautiful, darling, daughter, I love you more than any words could ever explain, more than any pictures could ever show, and more than any sounds could ever be heard. Even though I can't be with you physically anymore on this amazing journey of life, I will always be there spiritually.

With all the love in the world,

                Leezah (The luckiest mom on Earth)

I miss my mom so much. I wish she was still here.

Once he finished reading the letter, his face softened. He then turned the paper over to look at the other side to reveal Anthony's name and address. Afterwards, he hands the letter back to me without saying a word, he seemed to be considering everything.

"What are you thinking?"

Maybe he finally believes me now? Or atleast, doesn't hate me?

"I-"

He gets cut off by Anthony who walks in. He's looking directly at his phone as he says, "So Josh wants us to film a video with him and the gang at noon today and our appointment is at 1:30 at the clinic so we may need to go straight there after filming. I would cancel but we've ghosted the past two times and I feel bad. So, are you okay with coming Emily?"

"Uh, yeah sure."

"Alright, cool."

Then Anthony looks at Ian who still hasn't talked since Anthony walked in.

"What's up dude?"

Ian continues his silence for a couple more seconds until he says, "Sorry, I'm just tired, I did a lot of sleeping last night and it made me exhausted"

I look at him and smile as his reference to me earlier this morning but Anthony just gives him a confused look and tilts his head.

Eventually, he shrugs his shoulders and said, "Well, I'm gonna go take a shower, then we should probably go with traffic and everything."

I nod my head and smile at him as he walks away. Then I quickly focus my attention back on Ian to see what he has to say...